Saturday, September 24, 2011
This feedback system is totally amazing ... If I say that I am desiring something in my life and I do not have it, then I have to understand why I do not have it. A true desire from the soul always creates, and this is why I hope to have the desire for Truth in all situations of my life ... and WHY? because... Brothers and Sisters, telling the Truth is one of the most loving and healing things you can ever do ... and the truth shall always set us free ...
p.s. When ever I talk about Truth, please remember that these feelings are my feelings in this moment. My soul in this moment has many 'errors'. Errors are not loved based, meaning that my soul will still deliver messages from an injured state, and the messages may not be as Truthful as God would have them be. That is my understanding to date.
...and then after a while, somehow, the thing in which you totally believed in ...just ... erm ... well ... collapses.
When I was about 10 or 11 years old I remember playing with my cousin and his friend. We were trying to build a pyramid by standing on each others backs. My cousin became the base, holding his friend tightly upon his upper body. The idea was that I would then stand on his friends back to complete the circus trick, but the friend was stacked too high for me. I had the idea to climb a street lamp to gain more height, for that would give me enough clearance to jump on top. We were all a little nervous and shaky, but at the same time we were laughing with anticipation and excitement. Eventually I was high enough on the street lamp. I jumped with a big smile, with cheeks flapping in the wind and I securely landed on top... success, cheers, extreme giggles, we did it, the human pyramid was built and I was top ... and I was on top ... for about 3 seconds until the pyramid collapsed and I fell off backwards and cracked my head on the metal street lamp.
There was a split second of silence ... then screams. I cant remember how painful it was right now, but I do remember the shocked look on my cousins face when he saw my head, which told me it must be bad. There was no blood, but there was a lump the size of a golf ball and my vision was blurred. Hospital diagnosis ... slight fracture to my skull ...ouch .
BUT how did that all happen ... one second I was feeling on top of the world, I could see the clear horizons ahead where the sky meets the hills, steadying myself on the peak of the pyramid with only my laughter supporting me... and in the next moment, I'm screaming, flat faced on the concrete floor, my heads pounding, my vision is blurred, and the only horizon I see is where the road meets the pavement.
Whats the point of this story ? ... well ... that's how I am feeling right now. I'm feeling like my pyramid has just collapsed, Ive somehow lost hope, the struggle is to much, I hit the bottom ... again, I'm exhausted . I noticed my last few posts have been quite up beat and positive. I was feeling really confident about my blog posts, my writing style and ideas but these last few day's Ive started to doubt myself. I was the 'pinball wizard' pinging the electrical words flashing "Yes this is it, Yes this is it", I was hitting top scores, I had activated the multiple ball power play which encouraged me to tap quicker with my 'flippers', making them display tricks and squeal nosies like the famous dolphin which shares the same name.
So what happened ? ... who pulled the plug on my pinball machine? who told flipper that he couldn't swim ? Who told the Egyptians that they could knock off work early and stop building the pyramid of my life ? ... Then I remembered ! ... I'm learning that that is the nature of passion and desires.
Passions and desires have been my hot topic lately. I'm feeling that passions and desires are the driving force of life. Hence when I am not feeling passionate in any area of my life, I feel like I'm dying.
When we follow our passions and desires there will come a point when we will always hit a brick wall. These bricks we can call 'wounds' or 'injuries' within the soul. These wounds may come in the form of thoughts like ' I'm not good enough', 'I will never be able to do that', 'I don't have enough experience', 'I don't have the right qualifications', 'I'm not talented enough', 'I don't have enough money',' That would never happen to someone like me', 'It's because of my back ground I won't be successful', 'There are so many more people already doing that better than me', 'I'm not clever enough', 'I'm not that lucky' ... I'm not, I'm not, I'm not ... you catch my drift.
In varying degrees and depending on the subject matter, I find myself blocked by these very same bricks. In fact, this last week I have been totally 'bricked up'. Ive been having the feelings that the life I desire for myself is going to be totally impossible. Everything that I've been learning about love, God and myself, I have been feeling like 'how on Earth' is this ever going to happen ... 'I must be crazy' and that 'none of 'Truth's' that I'm learning about the Divine Love Path are True'. When I got into this process, it wasn't long before the doubt totally took over and the desire I had for my life's adventures digressed. Maybe I do need a doctor after all.
Of course I could just dust myself down, pick myself up, take myself off somewhere to relax and forget about those feelings, rest and fill up my energy tank... which is in fact what I did. I'm writing this blog post from the comfort of my brothers home. The truth is ... if I do not fully feel and release the feelings which are getting me down, those same feelings will one day come popping back up again like a ping pong ball trying to be submerged in water. I could go through my whole life 'picking myself up' from the same reoccurring doubtful feelings until I deal with the root cause. That's what inspires me so much about the Divine love path process, it heals the root cause of all wounds and injuries within the soul. I'm learning that these wounds are created from our environment as early as the time of conception, and within this process, all of the fears that our parents hold within their soul's are actually compounded and projectd into our soul.
Last week I started to feel doubt and fear in my life's desires, which then gave me the feeling that I should not write my blogs anymore. The familiar feelings daunting me all over again, although this time something has changed. Somehow this time my 'will power' was stronger than before, and in stead of giving up the desire of writing, I was actually able to use this experience to give me a subject matter to write about ... ironically, one of the blocks I was stressing about was that I couldn't think of anything interesting to write about, which made me panic, believing that my new passion and desire for writing had been squashed for ever... so I'm really pleased that I have been able to push on through ... like I wrote in a previous post, 'small steps to big change'.
Passions and Desires are just one small part of the Divine Love Path. I could write pages and pages about this one subject alone, so I am gonna leave it there for now. For more info about the Divine Love Path visit http://www.divinetruth.com/ and for the movie to accompany today's blog and the way I have been feeling watch this clip... p.s. what I am loving and learning about true passions and desires is that a person who follows their passion, does so just for the love of it. There are no expectaions, no prizes to be won, no big rewards, no status, no looking good and maybe never any thank you's in return... for it's all a gift... Thank you for reading if you took the time out to do so, I had so much trouble and joy writing this post which was a great experience for ME x Enjoy x
Monday, September 12, 2011
Since I can remember, I have always loved an afternoon snooze. Today on my lunch break I got so excited because I knew I was gonna go and catch up on some ZZzz. I laid down inside the greenhouse with the sun shining and it felt like I was laying on a beach somewhere exotic. The reason why I love an afternoon kip is because I always have really vivid dreams which often tell me a lot about what is going on in my life. So, I thought I would share my dream and how I interpreted it.
I was out at sea in a boat with my Girlfriend and youngest brother just playing about. Then somehow I fell off the boat, and started to sink. For some reason I thought that I was in a swimming pool rather than the sea, and so I thought to myself that I could just kick myself up off the bottom and swim back to the top. As I was floating down in the water, TERROR hit me, as I remembered that I was in the sea, and the bottom of the 'swimming pool' didn't exist. By this time I was very short of breath and sinking quickly. Then I remembered that I could just swim back up to the top instead of waiting to kick up from the bottom. As I tried to swim back up, I realised that I was paralysed and that I couldn't move my legs or arms. EXTREME TERROR came over me as I could hear my girlfriend and brother up above laughing and waiting for me to come back up. I struggled and struggled to release from the paralyses but It was no use. Then the classic dream waking up scene happened. I was just about to die and I woke. When I woke up, I felt that I was trying to swim and I gasped for air. I had a slight headache and felt so petrified as I thought I was just about to die. The feeling to wake up from the dream was so intense.
I started to try and decipher the images in the dream to see what it meant. Then I remembered that the images are not so important. It's the feeling of the dream that counts. Since the feelings were of complete TERROR, I went with that. I concluded that I have terror within me about dying. OF course I was terrified about dying ... well ... I desire to be in a state of living where I am not at all afraid of dying, more about that on a future post. There was also a sense of great loss, because I was unable to tell my girlfriend and brother that I loved them. Later that afternoon, I remembered that when I was about 5 years old I almost drowned in the sea in Spain, and my Mother just saved me. I somehow totally forgot about that. In my last post I mentioned about the 'Law Of Attraction'. This dream was also a Law Of Attraction event, showing me which feelings I need to release from soul. Clearly 'Terror' is an emotion I need to release from my soul as it is blocking me from Love and God on some level, because fear and love cannot exist in the same space. I will now pray about this to see how more Law Of Attractions come my way. After processing these emotions,sooner or later I will get to the causal emotion and release it, but this may take some time. It's almost bedtime for me now so I look forward to see what happens in tonights dreams.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
All the seminars AJ Miller gives, he gives for free, although he will totally accept donations if he feels that the donation is coming from a loving space and that the donation is not a 'bribe'. After listening to many of his seminars and actually attending one of them in Greece this summer, I felt it was time to stop listening and start acting, for that's the only way to start 'living' the Divine Love Path, re my post about small steps to Big Actions.
Last weekend I was asked if I would hold a wheat grass stall at the Raw and Wild festival on a farm in my village. The festival had lots of mind, body, spirit type things going on plus lots of crafts and farming discussions e.c.t. So I agreed to have my stall there.
First I needed to grow the Wheat grass in trays to be able to juice or sell as full trays. I was told by the organiser that an estimated 40 trays of wheat grass would be needed. I first began the process by soaking the grains for 1 day in water. The grains I used were barley, rye and wheat. Next was to leave the grains to sprout for 2 days. After sprouting I sewed the grains into the 40 trays. Each tray had about a half inch of compost layered. On top of the compost I covered each tray with plenty of the mixed grains. The next step was to keep the trays in the dark for 2 days. When the 2 days were up, the trays were ready to be put into the green house to grow with the warmth and light. After 5 days growing in the green house, my trays were brimming with flowing 4 inch high grass, ready to be juiced. I could write another whole blog post about the health benefits of wheat grass, but this post is to share how after all my efforts of paying for the wheat grass with time and money... I then decided to 'give' it all away.
My stall was looking beautiful (My girlfriend Jessica help it look beautiful) and ready to rock and roll. 40 trays of wheat grass on display, 2 masticating juicers and shots glasses waiting to be filled. I must say that I had not originally thought to give the wheat grass away, it did cross my my mind, but the thought of making money was that little bit stronger. I calculated that I could probably sell one fluid Oz of juice for £2.50 and if people wanted to buy the whole tray to take away then I could sell that for £6. I started to like the figures when I added them up ... £6 x 40 trays = £240-£30 costs = £210 profit. Its not a huge amount of money, but a fun little way to top up my end of month wage I thought.
My friend Mike ( who is also learning and living the Divine Love Path) was helping me with the final touches before show time. Mike then suggested to me ' have you thought about giving it all away and just have a donations box on the table ?'. I told him that I had thought about it, but then I had also thought about what I could buy with the £210 profit. He grinned at me. Ten minutes later whilst sitting on the toilet, I thought 'Right, that's it, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna put love and freedom into action, and give everything away today.' It was a good job I was sitting on the toilet when I made that decision because now I was getting nervous and excited, and the layer of fear underneath was poking me saying 'yeah but what if ? 'and what about' ? 'you can't just give it away', ' what about all that time and money spent ?' 'what will people think ?' 'Do I not value myself ?', 'What's my motive ?' 'I could buy such an such with the profits' 'Crazy idea' 'I'm already skint' ' No wonder I never have lots of money, and now this idea will make things worse' ... you see ... that's fear for you, always blocking great ideas, love and freedom.
After getting off the toilet and settling back to my stall, Mike asked me If he could help me with anything else ... Yes, I smiled, can you make me a donations box whilst I finish setting up. We both felt the excitement build. Funny how I 'got' Mike to make the donations box, showing me I was still not truly fully comfortable with my idea, but I pushed on through with it ... small steps.
... SO what happened ? Never in my life would I have expected to happen what happened that day. The feelings I had were so liberating. I felt so powerful and passionate about what I was doing and the feeling of freedom was spreading around my stall. The reactions from people when I told them that everything was for free was really interesting and varied. My response to how different people reacted was such a valuable lesson to me. This experience was showing me were all my fears and behaviour patterns where hiding. Depending on the person, my emotional response and actions were different, sometimes in harmony with love and sometimes not.
Some people were totally accepting of receiving a free shot of wheat grass juice and it seemed normal for them to pop a few a coins into the box. Lots of people asked me "How much would you normally sell this stuff for so that I can have a guide of what to give". I gave them a guide price and then was reminded that by giving a guide price, I was essentially 'not giving it away anymore' which flagged up my fear of abundance and also at the same time I was playing into their emotions of 'them' feeling uncomfortable about having the free will. How many times do we make others feel 'comfortable' whilst making ourselves feel 'uncomfortable ?' One woman asked what can she buy with £1. We told her that she could have anything she wanted from shots of wheat grass to a whole tray because everything is free... "but I only have £1 " she nervously replied. "That's ok because its all free, you don't even need £1" Mike said... "but I only have £1" she shaked again ... "Its all for free" we smiled... this made her feel really uncomfortable. She then timidly asked for a 'small' shot of wheat grass (a shot of wheat grass is small to start with) and with a scared hand she placed her £1 in the donation box and shuffled away in a sad way. Wow, I thought ... a great lesson in seeing how someone is totally unable to accept a gift, she could have had the whole stall but she settled for a small shot. I felt a great loss of love in her life... I wondered if I am ever like that, and acknowledged on a different scale there are times when I am totally unable to receive gifts of love. One man came with confidence and ordered his shot and we had a great chat. He finished his drink and walked off with only a thank you ... 'Hey Mr,what about the donation' my feelings frowned... 'expecting' a donation is not loving or giving now is it Perry my heart then challenged me' ... humble pie was eating. To my surprise so many people came and loved the idea of the donation box. Children came with eyes wide open and we felt their delight as even they were able to have a drink without a common fear response of the parents saying "no, its too expensive and you have had enough today already". It felt really freeing for everybody, including me ... because it was for free there was none of that awkward bargaining feeling and the expectation barriers were down. It feels so amazing when somebody offers something without wanting anything in return, and this is the feeling that I am desiring to cultivate in my life... unconditional love.
I passed by the organiser who is a friend of mine and she quizzed me with her hands in the air "are you crazy, why are you giving your stuff away?, you could make good money" this shook me and knocked my confidence, I felt attacked and my desire for freedom was weakened ... huff puff, my law of attraction (I will write more about Law of attraction soon) is showing me more emotions I need to deal with. Why are people so freaked out by this idea I thought. At the end of the day, I approached her all excited and with total gratitude gave her the £15 for costs of having the stall. Once upon a time I would have hoped or tried to avoid paying by being nice. She apologised that I had to pay "It's for the farm" she said ... I felt she had an undertone of guilt in her voice because she had to charge me, and she was slightly embarrassed as she knew I'd given all my 40 trays of grass away. Oh well, she will have to feel those feelings, I'm not gonna try and make her feel comfortable and make myself feel uncomfortable, not this time ... at last, I felt progress in my soul.
I could give so many more examples from the day, but it feels like that is enough for now. I hope you have got the feeling of what I'm trying to express. When I was packing up there was another feeling brewing up inside me which I didn't see coming. That feeling was true gratitude. I was so grateful for all the day events. I was so grateful for the support that I had received from Mike and my girlfriend for helping me set up the whole thing. I was so grateful for the festival for asking me to be there. I was so grateful for having the courage to be able to give the opportunity for every single person to have the chance of trying wheat grass regardless of their financial situation. I felt blessed and full of abundance. This day gave me the faith that one day we will live in a free world and I was so proud to be apart of it.
p.s. In case you were wondering the stall took £104 cash and every tray was used. If I would have charged, maybe I would not of sold as much, leaving me having left overs. How many hearts did I help open ... God only Who knows ?
As I said before I like to use film clips to enhance my messages so here is the one today which is so inspiring Enjoy ...
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Hey people ... I thought I would show you my garden. I have been working and learning in this 2 acre biodynamic garden at the Michael Hall Rudolf Steiner school now for the last year and a half. Since eating mostly raw food, I thought it wise to learn how to grow my own food. It feels so empowering to be able to grow my own food. Biodynamic gardening means it is not only totally organic, but we also plant using astrology. We follow a special zodiac calender to help us know when the best time is to perform certain jobs in the garden. We also use herbal tea's and preparations to spray on the garden to help with plant growth, soil life and disease. I have so many pictures to post so here are a just few snap shots of me and my garden to give you a quick insight ... Enjoy
View of the garden with School in the back ground
Victorian style Sun Dial
3 polly tunnels and 2 glass houses
Inside the glass house growing beans and a bed of lettuce ............. > > > >
An English Rose and a bee getting busy ... So come on guys, get creating your very own paradise garden. Will write again soon x