A place to discover poetry and stories inspired by Gods Way of Love

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Surrendering to Love

My favorite poet by far is Kahil Gibran. I have read his poems over and over and I never get bored of them. They bring new meaning to me every time. He writes a lot about 'Love', but most importantly he writes from a place of Love, and that's why I never get bored of his poems, because love is never boring, Love is forever changing, it is forever rejuvenating, and it is forever growing. Love, 'always gives' us the chance to learn like children ... the chance to explore the depths of our souls, and a chance to commit to the intensity of every relationship, whether that be with another human, with ourselves or the whole Universe with everything in it and beyond ... Love has no boundaries and is all encompassing.

Love hurts they say ... if you have ever been in love, then I am sure you have experienced pain ... "For even as loves crowns you, so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning" eloquently writes Kahil in his poem about love, taken from the book 'The Prophet'.

Some people avoid relationships all together, for the fear of feeling 'the pain' of what this so called love brings. So instead, they suffer in isolation, or they casually shrug 'I like being on my own'..." really ?" we frown. If you avoid relating with the world to avoid the pruning of love, then how is it you can be 'alone' yet still feel the blades of love cut deep ? It's because love continually tries to heal every single 'unloving' cell in your whole being in relation to 'yourself'. It never stops, and it never tires. Love will attempt to penetrate you until there is not a single ounce of doubt in your heart that Love certainly does exist. After while, Love will demonstrate to you, through the expression of your life that in fact  'Love does not hurt' ... But the 'Fight against Love hurts very much'. And Love, loves you so much, that It will never cease to prune you ... and the only way to stop the pain of loves clippers and grow with joy ... is to Surrender.

When we experience pain, we often blame the stimulus which provoked the pain. I'm hurting because my partner broke up with me, I'm hurting because I a have ill health, I am hurting because I have no money, I am hurting because my family don't understand me, I'm hurting because my children won't behave, I'm hurting because I don't have the house I want, I am hurting because my life is a mess ... I am hurting because because because ... But the Truth is ... the affliction we feel from these outside circumstances, stems from the pain which is 'already' embedded inside of us ... and Love, being love, desires to heal all of these angst's that we have ingrained within us. And so, the genius heart of Love uses everything in her power to show us where we need to learn more about love in order to heal our wounds, so that we may experience life with the greatest joy available.

With this in mind, we can now look at every painful event in our life as an 'opportunity to grow in love'. When I feel any kind of pain, no matter what the situation, no matter what I think the other person 'did to me' ... I can now stop myself before reacting, before blaming, and ask myself  these questions, 'What is Love trying to heal' ? 'What is Love trying to teach me about myself ? 'How can I use loves clippers to remove this thorn which has stabbed me in my flesh' ? 'What unloving emotion am I avoiding so much that I have to create great pain in order to notice it '? ' How can I be more accepting right now to help transform this pain into Love ? ... I could of course not ask these questions. I could pretend to not feel the pain, or I could insist that it was 'them' and 'not me' that caused this suffering. I could put a plaster on the cut and carry on with life with my scares. I could be like an ostrich and bury my head in the sand with denial ...  Yes, I can do all these things, but I won't be able to escape Loves patience for long, because soon enough, once again, the silver tongue of  my favorite poet will scribe the traits of love for me to learn...

'He grinds you to your whiteness,
 He kneads you until you are pliant,
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become the sacred bread for Gods sacred feast.
All these things shall Love do unto you until you know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of life's heart.'

Allowing Love into your life can be quite frightening. 'Love' herself is not intimidating, but the passion and commitment Love has in demonstrating to you where you are being  unloving can be quite traumatic ... for Love will undoubtedly 'show you' how you 'Truly' are ... If you desire to love as Love does, and that would be to love unconditionally, then Love with all her might will freely reveal to you all of the conditions you have placed upon her, in order that you may see and experience for yourself the difference between conditional and unconditional Love ... When you feel pain, your conditions were exposed ... When you feel joy, you experienced Loves knowing.

 You cannot bend the laws of Love, and Love will not help you bend them...Try as you may to fight against the Laws of Love, but you will not prevail... you can kick, punch, scream and rage against Loves door ... but Love has intelligently covered her door with a mirror, so like a boxer, you are able to see exactly how you duel. Love will only open the door and let you in her house when you act as lovingly as herself.

Patiently she will leave you on the door step if you demand to be let inside. She will reflect her mirror willingly at you, and with all her heart will devotionally flood her feelings of love upon you. The more you kick, the more you break, the more punch, the more you bleed,  the louder you scream, the more deaf you become,  the more rage you project, the more damage to your soul ... Loves patience will eventually out power your struggle, and eventually you will tire, eventually you will become exhausted, eventually you will drop to your knees, eventually you will unclench your fists and open your palms, eventually will you 'tap out' and open your heart, eventually you 'Will' Surrender ...

Upon Surrender, all doors are opened ... and all love floods in. Now that you have stopped kicking, she can get close to you, now you have stopped punching she can hold you in her arms and cradle you, now that you have stopped screaming you can hear her affectionate words of love and forgiveness, now that you have stopped raging you can feel the warmth of her love embody you and receive the tenderness you need. Now that you have softened with surrender you may share this love with others. Like a mirror you journey, reflecting as loves messenger for others to see themselves in you... Maybe others will also be brought to their knees in your presence, allowing for you to flood their hearts will love, allowing them to heal their pain, allowing them to surrender, allowing them to be kneaded like bread without the fear of judgment, for they recognise you are not shy of putting yourself into the sacred fire, for Gods sacred feast ... And so, as you finish reading this post and go about your day, look deep into the mirror of your life... and sincerely give up the struggle, humbly give up the fight, tap out ... and Surrender to Love

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Permission slip

Permission ... permission ... permission ... what do you think about when you think about permission ? Am I 'aloud' sprung to my mind when I asked myself that question... Am I Aloud !... But what is permission and why is it important to your self growth ? Well, the degree to how much pleasure, joy, passion, abundance and love you have in your life can be traced back to how much 'permission' you 'allow' yourself to have in receiving and giving those gifts.

As you delve more and more into the feeling of 'permission' you may realise that a lot of your 'permission slips' were wrote by your parents. The slips were placed into your pocket, a kept their for 'your' safe keeping. The permission slip in your pocket was kind of your parents version of giving you a 24/7 security guard, so that when your parents were not around, your 'permission slip' would keep you safe. 'Don't speak to strangers for they will take you away and do bad things to you' was written on my slip. ( ironically, it nearly happened twice )

For most of us, as we get older, we some how have never managed to throw away our parents permission slip. We somehow left it in our pocket. It never popped into our minds that we could ever re write our very permission slip, mainly because on our little piece of paper, our parents wrote in big black letters  '  YOU ARE NEVER EVER ALLOWED TO RE WRITE YOUR OWN PERMISSION SLIP ' and so we obeyed that of course, because we didn't have errrm ... permission to do anything else !

As you get older and to start to mix with other adults, you will start to realise that everybody else is also still carrying around with them in their pocket their very own personalised 'permission slip', which yes, was written by their parents some twenty odd or more years ago. Depending on what is written on 'your' permission slip, will usually determine where, what, and who you hang out with, or what kind of job you seek, or what lovers you fall for, or what situations you get yourself into... the list goes on. (hmmm, am I still scared of strangers I wonder ? )

I remember as a youngster I was only ever allowed to eat three biscuits with my cuppa tea (always sneaked a fourth though with a slight of hand magician move). Fair enough you might say, that's probably good for your health and I would agree. But zoom forward to when I became 20 years old, sitting in my shared apartment in Spain as an 'Adult', I was drinking my cuppa tea, and I had dunked my three biscuit allowance ( plus the 4th biscuit which I sneaked in,... you see, I still had my security guard), but I wanted more, shock shock horror... but 'oh no' ... I am only allowed to eat three biscuits, what do I do ? Of course, I quickly realised that my mum was a few countries away and so I polished off the whole packet. But my point is, I was an adult, and I almost, very almost, let the permission slip of my youth decide what I was allowed to do as an adult.

But it goes deeper than that, much deeper. That was just one small example about eating biscuits, imagine how many more permission slips I have regarding love, money, careers, relationships, sex, hobbies, passions and my desires ? I dare say I have still got many out of date permission slips still stuffed in my pocket. I'm in the process of taking them out of my pocket, reading them, and seeing if I still need them ... Awareness of your habits is the key to self growth !

Permission slips are very powerful, and they can shape your whole future. The thing is, the permission slip in its self is not is not what gives the green and red lights. It is the 'intent' in which the permission slip was written which will determine how your '24/7 security guard' will take care of you. A permission slip written out of 'fear' will have the guard lock you in your prison, blocking you from all your 'True Joy'. A permission slip written out of 'Love', will have your security guard granting you the keys, allowing you to open your cell saying " I'm free". Hence my fear based permission slip which read 'Don't speak to strangers for they will take you away and do bad things to you ' actually got me into the situation that my parents feared most, and then of course this proved their belief, and my permission slip became a fact, and more solidified ! ...

... Could that all have been avoided I wonder ? What if the permission slip was wrote with love and trust because that's what my parents believed in their hearts... " Son, explore the world with freedom, many people will help and assist you, greet new people with a smile, make friends and have the power to say 'no' to people you feel are not being nice to you " ...Would my life have been shaped differently if I'd had that kind of belief instilled in me ?  Would I have avoided at 5 years old, the luring arm of the strange man who sneakily led me away from my mum from outside the souvenir shop in Spain ? ... Who knows, but its an interesting thought. I'm not bashing parents here, for I know what a tough job parenting is. But what I am saying is ... Beware / Be aware of your patterns, for they will hold the keys to your pain and pleasure.  By the way, my Mum caught me in the nick of time, she saw me half way down the street and she shouted Oye ! , the guy took his hand from my back and quickly ran away. Lucky escape.

Ok, enough of the dark side, lets jump into the light and have some fun. Last weekend I attended a really amazing workshop called ' what about you ?' facilitated by Jamie Catto www.jamiecatto.com  ... please, please check it out and get yourself to the next workshop if you can, for there, you will have many opportunities to catch what is written on your permission slip, and you will get to meet lots of cool inspiring people. And So, here it is again www.jamiecatto.com  you don't need permission ... just go !

It was at the workshop that I was reminded about 'Permission'... Permission to be who I 'really want to be'. I had somehow forgotten over the years that I am 'allowed' to keep on exploring myself in many different ways. I had kind of got into a little rut of believing what I like and what I don't like.  In the workshop, I was guided brilliantly to once again think outside of the box. Already since last weekend, I have looked at different art, music and met friends that I would of not met before. I have new ideas, and new projects waiting to be given birth too. I met Ed, a photographer www.edwardhaynes.co.uk  who would like to collaborate with me in making a possible documentary " come to Brixton and lets start shooting " he casually suggested ... shooting a film that is, he was not a  Brixton gangster, but who knows, I do love a bit of Tarantino. It may or may not happen, but the possibilities are blossoming, and that feels exciting... and remember ... Excitement generates Energy ... the energy to do the things you love. Not having excitement in ones life I believe is one of the major causes of 'atrophy' or you can say 'wasting away' , means the same thing ... You see, I'm getting smarter with my new permission slips :)

So how do you go about of Re Writing your permission slips ?

Well, you do just that ... You 'write' your permission slip. Even though its a bit of fun to get your creative juices flowing, I would strongly recommend that you take this exercise seriously, because this is about your Life remember ...

Ok, this is what I want you to do ... IMAGINE ... IMAGINE ... IMAGINE ......... Imagine the life you really desire, and I mean 'really desire', not the life you feel you are 'allowed' to desire by other peoples standards. When I mean 'your' desire, I mean 'YOUR' desire. Give yourself  'Permission' to live how you see it. Now, the key here is to not hold back, really go for it ...

Ready ? Good ! ... Now, write out your fantasy life. I have prompted you with some useful questions, which may help with your vision and imagination. But you can add more or take away anything as you like for this is about you. When you write this, really really give yourself  permission to imagine, and become excited ... because its the excitement that will carry you through !  ...Really script it out, be brave with your imagination, and write it as if nobody would will ever read it ... Really conjure up how you see your life to be, and feel your way through it. Ok ... Go !

...What is your purpose in life ? What is your mission? Who are your friends ? What job do you do ? What projects do you create ? How and where do you live ? What food do you like ? What no longer serves you ?  What clothes do you wear ? What social events do you go to ? What sex do you like ? What music do you like ? Do you travel Bermuda ? Is your best friend David Beckham or David Cameron ? What car do you drive ? Do you sunbathe naked ? Who inspires you ? Do you have breakfast Robert De nero ? Lunch with Oprah Winfrey ? Supper with Richard Branson ? Go clubbing with Jay-Z  and Beyonce ? After party with Bugs bunny ? ... its your call ... everything is possible ... write it down !

 ... You may eventually find that you actually don't really want what you first imagined, but this exercise is about 'allowing yourself the freedom to explore', and then choose what you really desire ... 'It is giving yourself permission'. It is allowing yourself to eat a whole packet of biscuits when you were only allowed to eat three as child... You may never 'choose' to act on your visions, but at least you gave yourself permission to choose. Death be the man on auto pilot ... The permission of choice is where your freedom lies ! Oh yes a reminder ... 'Loving' permission slips will serve you much better. A judge will not let you off the hook from killing people, cheating, robbing and lying just because you wrote yourself a permission slip, so please remember the 'Law of cause and effect' !

If you feel daring, and wish to solidify your 'Dream Life', then please feel free to send me your script. There is something more risky with a sense of 'Aliveness' when you give yourself permission to be seen as you wish to be seen by another. I have found that sharing yourself with the world helps you 'participate' with the world. Instead of just being 'in it' ... you help 'create' it ... so please, post below in the comments your dream life or write to me at www.perrykhaldenby.co.uk ... and together we can inspire each other... because you know ... my new permission slip says...' I have to meet more strangers'.    :)

Your imagination is very unique and very powerful and is the first step into creating the life you desire. The next step is action and planning, I will blog about that next time, or... if you wish to work with me one-one and explore mentorship, contact me at www.perrykhaldenby@gmail.com or please check out and share my website www.perryhaldenby.co.uk

Now this clip is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen in showing us how to use our imagination with excitement and fun. You must watch it ... I am not giving you permission to skip this :)  I hope you enjoy it.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What is your treasure ?

I remember when I was younger, 'adults' would say to me "as you get older, time speeds up". As I am getting older, they seem to be bloody right. The days, weeks, months and years are flying by. 'Time' is always an interesting subject ... does time even exist some question ? and what about time zones ? I once flew from New Zealand on the 8th of November and arrived into the Americas on the 7th of November, I had gone back in time, that was pretty trippy. And in certain parts of India they are 5 and a '1/2' hours in front, where does the '1/2' come from ? strange but true. And in space there are such things as 'time warps' the ability to travel through universe with seemingly no time at all. 

There was a young lady of Wight,
Who traveled much faster than light,
She departed one day,
In a relative way,
And arrived on the previous night. 
( I didn't make this limerick up btw)

What a great subject. Time is also closely related to 'Money' if you think about it ... we can spend money, and we can spend time. In 'business' the saying goes  'time is money' !

Money can also be seen as 'Treasure', and we also have the ability to 'Treasure Time' 'Treasured memories ' ... I'm loving how all these words interlink.  So if money and time are seen as treasure ... and treasure is valuable ... then how you 'spend' your 'time' must also be of value ? 
I can come to the logic conclusion that a ' financially rich person' spends their 'money' wisely for they do not wish to waste their bank account ... and a 'humanly rich person' spends their 'time' wisely for they do not wish to waste their life. The difference of course is that money spent can be made back, and time, ' in that specific moment'... is lost forever... time spent well on the other hand lasts for ever.

So the question begs ... how do you spend your time ? is your time valuable ? are you even aware of what is valuable in you life ? are you wasting valuable time ? ... Zoom forward and imagine yourself at your own funeral ... looking down, you see the faces of your loved ones, friends, parents, spouse, children, work colleagues ... how do you wish to be remembered ? what qualities or achievements would you like each person to remember you by ? what legacy would you like to leave behind ? What treasure would you like to be buried with ? Would you like to be buried with the your treasured money or your treasured time ? ... when we deeply think about these things, our values are put into perspective. I believe when you live a life of deep value, and align your life to be in harmony those values, with a sense of purpose and mission ... then it is less likely that you will waste your time. You will know what is important to you, and your life's decisions will be made much easier because your choices will be evaluated against the vision and mission of your life. If your life's purpose is not  ingrained in your heart, then you are very likely to stray and become confused about your life. Our mission and purpose will act as compass, so if we ever do lose track, we can resort back to our purpose to find our way back to our path.

Remember, you do not have to be dead in order to 'not be living' ...  does your heart beat with life and zest ... or does your heart beat with boredom and gloom ...
" for where your heart is, there will also be your treasure"

Here is an exercise that is easy, and can determine what is your TRUE treasure and what is your FALSE treasure. It will help you with your 'self awareness' to understand how you spend your time,resources and what you value in your life .. its easy, fun and probably very surprising !

STEP 1  

Write down every thing in your life in which you 'THINK' you treasure, in what you think you desire and value most in your life ?

Step 2

Now, prioritize the list in order of importance. The most important being at the top of the list and then least important at the bottom.

Step 3

Now, write down along side all the things you have wrote in your list 'how much time' you spend 'doing' that thing you think you treasure... and be very honest !

Step 4

Re examine your list. Does the amount of time you spend engaging your treasure reflect the importance of your treasure? 

 It is logic to assume that the most important things on your list will be the things that you spend the most time doing. If you find the most important treasure at the top of your list has the least amount of time allocated to it, then I would suggest re evaluating the importance of your treasures

 E.g. If your children are the most important thing for you, then it makes sense that a lot of time and effort will be put into your children, and so the time allocated to that treasure would be quite high. Or if you placed at the top of your list, your job, your partner, your community, God ... then they would naturally have the most time allocated to them. 

However ... lets say at the top of your list you wrote your children, your partner, your family or your job to represent what you 'think' are your most important treasures.  Look at the time spent allocated for those things. If you realize that little time is spent engaging in those things, and that you actually spend a big chunk of your time doing other stuff, one would have to honestly ask themselves ' do I really treasure what I am saying I treasure ? 

With this awareness I can now look at my life and determine what is it I truly treasure. If I am living my life and not spending time being active in my treasures, then I can ask myself two questions :

1. Do I really value what I think is my treasure ?
2. Are there some fears preventing me from engaging myself in my treasure ?

If my answer is number 1, then I can simply re evaluate my priorities. 
If my answer is number 2, I can then work towards and become proactive in dissolving my fears, so that I can move forward and engage in my treasures.  

This exercise requires deep honesty with your self. Faking the amount of time you spend doing certain things will only lead to self deception and will not help you. Some things on your list maybe multitasking and that's OK, like I can play sports and be in nature at the same time, or I can do my gardening and pray at the same time.

Well ... I hope you have found this post useful, it can be quite an eye opener. I myself am in the process of really evaluating how I spend my time, what is important to me and what are my true treasures. The depth of your values, will dictate the depth and greatness of your life. Does your treasure make only yourself rich or does what you value enrich the whole of humankind and all of creation ? I predict the more selfless your treasures the greatest joy will feel, your treasures will be spent well... what you sew, you reap.

Over time, what you treasure may change, and its good to be aware of that ... but remember ' Time waits for nobody ' ...

.... So get to it, get involved, challenge yourself, create a vision, attend to your mission, ...don't delay your love, for it will bring you your greatest joy ... Oh ...and never ever give up, never give up, never give up ....never give up because...
...“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.”― Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist
Now... you must watch this moving clip which supports my post today. Enjoy with love and share

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

7 habits of highly effective people

If you are reading this post, then you were attracted to the idea of becoming a highly effective person.

I don't know about you, but for me, I am continually striving to become MORE than I already am.
 But why is that ? Why not just be happy with the way I am and be done with it ?
 Well...I love the idea of POSSIBILITIES !  I love the sense of adventure, the sense of exploring myself in a new way, variety is the spice of life, a change is as good as a holiday so they say. When I explore myself, I get to learn more about myself , I become interested in what makes me tick, I develop a passion, I become my own life long hobby, this kindles a sense of self love, and like everything that kindles, a spark is initiated, a spark of life or a spark of light you might say, and who doesn't desire to shine in all their humble glory ? Unless of course you do desire to be dim, lifeless, a shadow in the corner, dwindling away into the darkness ? we don't want that though do we, eh ! (actually, a lot of us do )
    Although, I have found that it is not always easy to be so eager in striking the match against my soul, for at times it feels just too dark and hard, and the strength to shine feels impossible. But its in those times when I can choose to dig a little deeper, learn a little more, push a little harder, reflect on myself with a little more awareness, and then eventually something strikes ! A new spark is ignited. I 'see' myself and things around me in a 'new light'. The dark place becomes bright again, and my soul shines with just that little bit more brilliance and I feel a little bit more loving. My goal of course, is to cast out all shadows. It is said that if an Angel would present themselves to us as we often picture them to be, with all halo's, trumpets and wings blazing, then they would blind us, for that's how bright they are ... So, am I suggesting that I want to become like an angel ..erm ... I guess I am.

 So, how do I get there ? how do I become like an angel ? how do I become a shinning light ? how do I become the grandest version of myself ? how do I become a awe inspiring husband, wife, brother, sister, friend, workmate ... human being ? how can I transform myself  from who I am, to who I want to be ? Well ... It all begins in my imagination.

Begin with end in mind...
There is the saying that everything is created twice. First in the imagination and then secondly in the physical. Lets take building a house from scratch for example. Before any hammer nails get involved, the designer must firstly imagine in clear detail how they want it to be, they must picture and work with their imagination to understand how many bedrooms there will be, how big the kitchen will be, will there be a living room and separate dinning room or will they be joined together, do they want sliding doors and a patio leading to the garden, what will the colour scheme be, will there be a children's area or a study room ... the list goes on, and it is all firstly worked out and created in the mind or the imagination.
 When the designer has a clear picture of what is to be built, it is then reduced to a blueprint and construction plans are developed. All this is done before any earth is moved, if not, in the second creation, the physical, they may have to be some expensive changes and that may double the cost of the home. The carpenters rule is " measure twice, cut once". The lesson here is to make the first creation as clear as possible, think everything through. Then put in the bricks and mortar. And then each day as you go to work on building your dream home, you pull out the blueprint and get to work on it until it is achieved.

So whats all this got to do with being a highly effective human being ?

Well, 'Beginning with the end in mind' is the 2nd of 7 habits taken from the book '7 habits of highly effective people' by Stephen Covey ... and it is this book that I am currently studying, and beginning to mentor myself and others with. Of course there are many books out there which one can follow, and I have myself read a lot of them. I am not saying this is the only way to transform yourself, but I must say that I am finding this process a highly useful practical tool in my life right now.

 The 7 habits themselves are based on principals and natural laws, so they apply to everyone and every situation, and not only in humans but also in nature, and that's why I really like this work, there is a synergy between my inner and outer world.

What are the other habits ?

Habit 1: Be proactive ! ~ have the initiative and take the responsibility to make things happen ... 'Response - ability' the ability to respond and not react ! highly effective people recognize that responsibility and do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is based on conscious choice, based on values. Act or be acted upon !

Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind ! ~ All things are created twice. First in the imagination, secondly in the physical. Whether we know it or not we are always creating our life in every moment. The catch is, do we desire to create the life 'we choose' through our 'own awareness', OR... will our life be created for us by 'somebody else's creation' ? ... and this is where habit 1 and habit 2 work together ... Act your imaginations or be acted upon by somebody elses ! Create your vision and live your mission.

Habit 3: Personal management ! Effective management is putting first things first. While leadership decides what "first things" are, it is management that puts them first, day to day, moment-by-moment. Management is discipline, carrying it out. Its the exercise of  'independent will' ... the discipline to make it happen.A manager decides the best way to chop down the jungle, the leader climbs to the top of the trees and shouts " we are in the wrong jungle " ...  Whats urgent ? whats important ? whats not urgent but important ?can you say 'no' to the things that are not aligned to your vision and mission ? Habit 3 is effective planning and managing your mission " wars are won in the tent " the General says. Get in the right jungle and manage well !

Habit 4: Win / Win : Seek mutual benefit. Learn how to bring balance into all relationships. Appreciate cooperation. You want your way, I want my way ... can we together 'CREATE' a third way which benefits us both ? being careful not to compromise each other as that leaves each other with second best. Win / Win means together we creatively and consciously 'choose' a way which may be even better than our original ideas. If nothing can be created or cooperated then of course a 'No Deal' can be created which is harmonious for all parties. In relationships deep emotions may have to be dealt with, but if each person can move into that space with a win / win feeling in their awareness, then the relationship has much better chance of being enhanced. It takes great commitment, trust, respect, compassion and love to reach this space.

Habit 5: Seek first to understand then be understood ! Empathic listening. When you listen to someone, are you really listening ? or are you busy making up your own stories in order to make a reply ? Seek first to understand means you put all my heart into the listening. You try to feel and put yourself in their your shoes. You try to see the world how they see it. Instead of listening with your personal autobiography, you feel how the other person feels and listen with your heart as well as your mind. Listening with empathy allows the other person to open up and say how they truly feel. Then seek to be understood. Seeking to understand takes empathy, seeking to be understood takes courage.

Habit 6: Synergize : The whole is greater then the sum of its parts. Synergy values the differences between all things and seeks to create a better way. In a class room the teacher can present a topic which is safe, and then one student may open up their hearts on the subject which creates excitement for other students to become more open. Trust and openness is expanded and the topic begins a life of its own. The students learn much more effectively because their hearts are involved. They create and bring new ideas 'together'. They listen with 'empathy ' and bonds of love and joy are created. Habits 4 and 5 are brought together and synergized. We can bring synergy into all our relationships.

Habit 7: Renewal : Sharpening your sword. habit 7 is our day of rest. Our time to reflect on the week, reflect on our achievements and weakness. Taking time feel how we feel and observe how we interact is crucial to self awareness and growth. In our self renewal time we can plan the week ahead, re visit our mission statements and see if they are still true to our values. We can plan and vision the future. We can take the time to see which relationships need more care. Taking time each week for self awareness creates balance. The time can be used to evaluate what is important to you, or forecast new goals, desires and passions. Reflect on current projects and see if they are going to plan or not. Habit 7 helps brings continuous focus and awareness, making sure you are directing your life in the way you desire.

Thank you for taking time to read this post. I would like now to invite you to take part in a fun questionnaire which will maybe useful for you to learn more about yourself. All the instructions are here waiting for you when you click this link www.lighthouseinternationalgroup.com/  . If you like what you had read so far and want to learn more, or wish to inquire about mentoring, please feel free to get in touch.  www.perrykhaldenby@gmail.com

Its been a while since I have posted a video clip to support my posts, so I am excited to share this really inspiring scene which I feel relates to the 7 habits of highly effective people. Enjoy with Love