An eye for an eye ... Revenge and Forgivness

'An eye for an eye will make the world blind' ... One of the most powerful phrases from one of the worlds most powerful non violent humans that ever lived ... Mahatma Gandhi .

Now most people would agree with the logical statement by Gandhi, and most us would probably say that we live our life in this way, right ? ... Until that is, something rubs us up the wrong way, suddenly, all morals are lost, the gloves are off, and all guns are blazing 'You've hurt me, and now I want you to hurt, in fact, you deserve to be hurt '. In that instant, we ourselves, commit an act of violence, lashing out, attacking back, demanding justice, ... and in that instant ... the Love is lost, and the cycle continues. An eye for an eye will make the world blind.

This kind of behavior has been furiously been brought to my attention from the recently viral postings of 'Melissa Bachman the Lion hunter'. Of course, undoubtedly, she has committed a massive act of violence by hunting animals, and I do not condone her actions whats so ever, although, I was shocked at the high level of violence that she has received in return. Attacking her, and people like her, will not stop violent acts towards animals, it will only perpetrate the acts of violence against humans. When we retaliate , to correct another's wrong doing, we actually 'Become' the person we are attempting reprimand, this is not logical, or helpful to the cause of creating love. I know the saying rings Revenge is sweet, like a pomegranate maybe, but in Truth, it is not. Revenge is like a faulty gun which back fires, you blow your own head off. An eye for an eye will make the world blind.

I'm not naive enough to think that Melissa would not receive any stick for what she has done, and I do feel that she and others like her need to be restricted in someway - however I'm just amazed at the comments and violent pictures that I've seen which attack and threaten her own life in return. I've seen words like 'Fuck that bitch', 'Cunt die in hell', 'Smash her fucking face in', 'Lets fucking shoot her and see how she likes it' , 'I fucking hate her' along with many more tenacious slogans describing much of the same. I even saw one guy post on a petition, pictures of highly graphic porn pictures of women being tortured, insinuating that this should happen to her.
 So what are we saying here people ?  Its not Ok to kill animals in a violent way, but its Ok to wish violent harm of another human being, even death ? That doesn't make sense. You may have never killed an animal, but have you not ever made a mistake ? Have you not ever missed the mark of love ? When you have made a wrong doing in the past, how would you of liked to have been corrected ? With Love ? or with Violence ? Have you not been corrected with violence in the past ? How did it feel ? Did you learn ? Or were you scorched ? Men in the current prison system become more violent they say or battered. An eye for an eye will make the world blind.

 I ask you... Is this really the kind of world you want to live in ? Is this really the world wish to promote ? Have you not had enough of violence ? Have you not had enough of humanity suffering ? Have you not had enough of humans being harmed ? Humans are waging war against each other at every opportunity, and so I ask you ... are you not tired of this ? Every time we see the news, one country is attacking another country, one part of society is attacking another part of society, one gang is attacking another gang, one human is attacking another human ... and of course, one human is attacking an animal ... When will this Stop people, when will this stop ? ... It will stop, and can only stop, when every individual decides in their own heart, to stop attacking in violence , to stop retaliating, to stop defending, to stop demanding justice, no matter what harm has been done unto themselves ... only then can it stop, otherwise, An eye for an eye will make the world blind.

People tell me all the time, 'we don't live in a perfect world Perry', and yes they are right, we don't ...
And do you know why it's not a perfect world ? Because we actually don't have a genuine sincere desire to live in a perfect world. 'That's not true', people argue, 'I want to live in beautiful free world, were people are kind and loving, a place where our children are not harmed, a place where war does not exist, a place where humans are not subject to violence '. Sure... sure you do, and that's why now the Facebook frenzy and Twitter accounts, even friends of mine are acting like a school of piranhas, devouring Melissa Bachman to death, wanting the 'cunt bitch to die in hell ', yes ... that's the very loving world you imagine. Surely there has to be another way, a more loving system which corrects those that have done wrong ? An eye for an eye will make the world blind.

So whats the solution ?

Well, its an easy answer, but not always easy to put into action, as our emotions often fire up and act out before we have even had time to think or feel about we have just done. There is a way that I am learning, which can remove all violence in human hearts, however, its not likely to happen anytime soon, but we gotta start somewhere.

   The first step is to acknowledge and be truthful when we ourselves are being violent. It is often the case that we first have to grasp this notion 'intellectually' when we are about to commit violent act, and when I say violence, I mean,  projecting any kind of anger emotionally or physically unto another, whether that's being passive aggressive, shouting, slandering, gossiping or actual physically harm.
 After intellectually understanding this, the next step is to STOP the violent act before we commit it, and then ASK ourselves, ' Is what I am about to say or do going to be the most loving choice, for me, for them or the planet ?' If the answer is 'no' then DO NOT DO IT !!!
 If however, you recognise that your next words or actions are unloving and you commit it anyway, then what are you accomplishing ? You are taking an eye for an eye ... and we know where that leads right ? Yes, it perpetuates more and more of the same destruction that 'we say' we wish not to see in this world, the same violence that has been repeated over and over since we can remember, and we are tired of this old way right ? are we not exhausted by violence ? What you sow, you shall reap ...

The book stops with You ...

'Intellectually' stopping the violence in our lives, will not remove the feeling of revenge from our soul, and so the next step is to EMOTIONALLY' release the violence from our hearts. This requires us to be very sensitive to our emotions. You see, the reason why we retaliate in anger is because underneath all of the hot torrent rage and revenge, is the cold threatening twisted knife of 'Fear'. I fear of being hurt ... so I hurt you first !
  The emotion of fear acts like a captured pirate, it buries our 'Grief ' the golden nuggets to our salvation, inside of an emotional treasure chest, and sinks it deep into the dark blue waters of our soul 'if I cant have it, then neither can you, savvy' the fear snarls, and down goes the grief, suppressed for years.
   Eventually, through emotional processing, we do become savvy to our capsized sorrow, and we are able to lament all of the injustice, grief, pain and suffering that our submarine hearts can uncover and shine light on, and then, and only then, will the feeling of revenge be released, enabling us to act in one of the highest forms of Love - Forgiveness.
 When forgiveness softens the heart of stone into a heart of flesh, it is impossible take an eye for eye, in fact, the contrary will happen, we will desire to lend our eye, and compassionately see the world from the blind mans vista, and conversely give him the gift of sight through our empathy and love, allowing the potential cause of violence to be grieved and released from the depths of the perpetrators heart - forever ! Only then is he truly sorry. If however, we react as we have always done by gouging the eyes of the guilty, then the criminal will forever stay blind, and therefore never change their actions, allowing them to commit the same offence again and again without any sorrow, and this helps nobody. Sure, we could just leave them locked away in prison to rot and die, but do we not then complain that we have to pay for them with our hard earned taxes ? You see my point now.
Love is always the answer.

I'd like to leave here now a quote, which simply hits the nail on the head.

 'Forgiveness is one of the primary things you can develop and work through emotionally.

Forgiveness is coming to the realisation that every painful injustice WAS unjust. Once we really let that hit home we will start to grieve it. What we have been doing is holding on to all the injustice. When we hold on, we cannot grieve it, and we cannot forgive. Then you fear it, then you are angry and you will never feel it. You are never going to feel it if you remain in the state you are in.

Every single person on this planet needs to feel and release the feelings of injustice, else you will continue to demand justice and continue to perpetrate unloving actions to yourself and others. Whole wars have been caused by the feeling of injustice. You want justice, but justice is not Love. '

~ AJ

And so, in closing, before we go on our way, I'd like to offer you a little reminder, a little golden nugget to lodge in your soul. Next time you feel the feeling of revenge for any reason, even if that reason is a hunter, ask yourself  'Is what I am about to do, or say, contributing and bringing me closer to the world that I wish to live in ? Or is it taking me further away ? I'm sure, like me, it won't be long from now before you are rubbed up the wrong way and an opportunity to attack back will present itself, and when it does, large or small, try to remember -
An eye for an eye will make the world blind.

Which choice will you make ? This scene from the kite runner demonstrates this beautifully.

The meeting (faith, prayer and love) short story

The meeting

“You don't recognise me do you” ?

“No... you're right … no I don't … who are you ?

“ Well, if I tell you, then I would I have to kill you”  the man roared with laughter and then whispered “ but dont worry, dont look so scared. Its impossible for me to kill you, look around … you are already dead”

Jasper looked around himself and noticed something very peculiar.  He felt very alive, yet his surroundings were nothing like he had ever seen before. He was basking in some kind of mist. The mist was cloud like with many colours streaming in all directions.

“is this a …"

“ Dream ? ” the man in front interjected reading Jaspers thoughts.

“yeah, a dream. How did you know I was going to say that” ?

“A person in my condition Jasper can do many of wonder …and you will too one day”

“uh” Jasper frowned. “where am I ? This must be a dream, who are you ? where am I for Gods sake ? “

The man again roared with laughter “for Gods sake, I like it, you're a funny man Jasper … you almost answered your own questions there brother”.

Once again Jasper gave an astonished look and all that he could muster in words was another “uh” ?

“ Your in Gods world now Jasper, you said it just then, ‘where am I for Gods sake’ . Except you are here because of your sake, and God just helps you along”.

“Here, here where ?”

“Isn't it obvious by now Jasper” the man chuckled … “a dream like fluffy place with rainbow colours spreading far and wide with a bright light man talking to you … you're in the heavens my friend, Elysium. You died, and now you're in heaven. Pretty cool place eh ?”.

It was true, Jasper saw in front of him a spirit like man. In the sense that the man looked like a human except he was kinda vapour looking, a bit see through, like a ghost you might say... a spirit !

He was a very beautiful man, in fact, that makes him sound superficial, so lets put it another way because his presence was much deeper than that, let's say he was man of beauty.  He was quite tall, taller than the average man Jasper had seen on Earth, he was closer to 7ft. He looked around thirty years old, yet he exuded the feeling  of a much older man, in his eighties or nineties maybe a hundred even, yet he was not frail. He had a feeling of strength about him, a kind of courage like nothing could shake him. Although Jasper felt this man to be very powerful, he displayed such mannerisms like that of a child, very gentle, very pure.

Jasper swallowed, looked at his hands, rubbed them together and then rubbed his face as if to try and wake himself up from this dream world.

In the most compassionate and empathic voice you could ever imagine the spirit voiced “its no good trying to wake up Jasper, you are already awake, I told you,  you are dead, you have passed my brother, you have passed over. The medics tried to save you God bless them, but you were long gone. Heart attack, thats what got you. You were just walking down the street on an ordinary day going to work and bamb ! you hit the ground with a cardiac arrest” The man raised his hand and in a matter of fact voice said “just like that” then clicked his fingers “gone” !

Not wanting it to be true, Jasper got angry and shouted “I don't believe it, its not real, i'm dreaming, this is a dream, its not real, you're not real, and I'm not dead, fuck off”.

With patience the spirit just allowed Jasper to be angry until he exhausted himself. Jasper just sat there now, speechless, shaking,panting out of breath after his ranting. “I can prove it to you if you like” the spirit said.

“please, yes, prove it …”Jasper snapped back “I'd like to see you try”

The spirit didn't hesitate after Jaspers consent, and at once released a pure red colour of mist from his heart. The the colour floated in the air like water in space, and it gravitated towards the heart of Jasper. When the red wave reached Jaspers chest, it kind of melted into him.The melting softened Jaspers chambers, and with this softness the memories of late came flooding back.

  

With disbelief and confusion, Jasper slowly shook his head from side to side, and then he paused very still, sadness rose in his eyes like a swollen river,eventually the banks broke, and a tear slowly trickled down over the cusp of his cheek as he whispered to himself  “I’m in heaven”. He then put his head into the bowl of his hands and wept. He wept, because he now fully understood what this bright loving spirit in front of him was saying... and all of it was true.

“ I was with you all the time” the spirit said. “I knew it was going to happen, and so I desired to come and help you pass over, and I will help you further too, I know its a little confusing when you first get here, it was for me too. And so, I will help you, after all, you helped me beyond belief all those years ago”.

“What, what what what are you talking about I helped you all those years ago ? I don't even know you ?”

“Well sure you do”

“I’m sorry my friend, as crazy and  as uncertain as all this is, I know for sure that I do not know you”

“Well, granted, i've changed alot since we last met, but you know me very well”

“you are mistaken, I have no idea who you are”

“I was not always so bright and brilliant as I am now Jasper, and this is why you do not remember me. I promise you with all my heart, you know me, and I know you very well … and indeed you did help me beyond you ever know”

Jasper racked his brains but for the life of him could not remember this astonishing man that stood before him in such splendor.  

In a very serious voice, yet in a very gracious way, the spirit man started to cry gently and all sorts of pastel colours exuded from him into the open space, and with a joyous smile he said “its me Jasper... its me … John”

Jasper was stunned,  frozen, yet still had no clue who this grateful tender man was in front of him.

“In the past you worked on Ivy Street didn't you Jasper, in an office down there”

“well, well yes I did, yes”

“yes I know, and I lived on Ivy street, and one day you visited me”

“I’m sorry John, I’m really sorry to burst your bubble, but you really have me mistaken for somebody else, I do not know anybody who lived on Ivy Street. Although it was thirty years ago,I can remember it as clear as day, and although I worked on Ivy Street, I never had any friends living down there who I visited. I would remember right, and so I’m sorry you are mistaken”.

John smiled.

“I want to show you something Jasper that will help you believe me, please, don't be alarmed, is that ok with you that I show you ?”

“sure, I mean, yes … sure”

And with that, John closed his eyes and breathed in a deep breath. What Jasper saw next sent shivers down his spine. He saw this bright tall shining man start to change. He started to shrink a little, and his colours lessoned and became dark. The cloths he was wearing started to change from brilliant draping embroidered garments into ragged, ripped and dirty clothes . His hair became long and matted with muck. His youthful pristine skin wilted and became old and wrinkly. Jasper watched in amazement at how this figure in front of him was changing from some God like creature into an old decrepit man. Jasper couldn't believe what he was seeing, but he also couldn't understand how this was going to help him understand who this man John was, because at present he still had no idea.

This man, now looking like sewer rat, turned and looked straight into the eyes of Jasper and held the stare. Jasper looked back and gasped, as the mans face started to morph into the features of someone who he actually started to remember, and his heart began to pound.

This dark shrunken figure then stretched out his crippled shaking hand and smiled with cracked brown teeth “you recognize me now don't you ? its me Jasper … John … remember ? I lived on Ivy Street, I was homeless, and I was a very broken man back then, but you Jasper … you stopped one day and talked to me... you talked to me about the power of prayer and about the power of love … and about how the love of God can transform a man into a God like creature. You were in a rush, I remember, you had an important meeting to go to, but you stopped long enough to explain, and long enough for me to understand, the message was clear; you told me “pray with all the sincere longings of your heart to receive this love of God”. And as quick as that, you were gone ! into the blend of the hundreds of passers by. I never saw you again after that day, on Earth at least, because I died soon after, and I came here, where you are now, and I was met by a bright spirit. I never forgot your words Jasper, they never left me, and I continued to pray and receive God's love until I was able to become the magnificent unrecognisable man you saw before. And so, over the years I would watch you, keep tabs on you, and help you when you prayed. I cannot thank you enough for stopping that day Jasper, you never ever knew how your actions and motives literally changed my life, and I never got to thank you. And so, when I knew it was your time to pass, I wanted to be the first to greet you here, and show you how much gratitude and love I have for you. I am not a broken man anymore Jasper, I am a brilliant man, full of love;

.But I must go now, back to my wife, an important meeting you might say, but I wanted to come and see you, because I know you have been discouraged and disheartened in your life over the years, and I know you yourself over time stopped to pray, and you lost the faith in love and you lost the faith of loves powers and its ability to transform, and this my brother was a part cause of your heart attack. But do not be disheartened Jasper, for I am here now to re inspire you, like you were there for me when I needed inspiration. And I tell you, I tell you the same message you brought to me all those years ago, “you must pray with all the sincere longings of your heart to receive this love of God, and in time, your faith in love will be restored, it will be restored to the point that you will  become the greatest version of yourself, the pinnacle of God's creation, and in that, you will share in the joy of this love and its brilliance.

I go now brother, on my way, I just needed enough time for me to explain, and enough time for you to understand. I bid you farewell … with Love dear Jasper”.

With that, John absorbed himself back into his pristine state and his blinding vapour moved off into the mists.

Jasper was left there stunned, and of course he did remember that day back on Ivy Street. He actually remembered it very well. He remembered that he almost very nearly never stopped for the beginning tramp because he was in a rush. But ‘something’ prompted him too. He never thought of that meeting again until just now meeting John again, yet that encounter  affected Johns life forever. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine what impact that split decision to extend his love made on another persons life. And like Jasper most of us don't.

So let us prayer and with faith … try not to under estimate little random acts of kindness

Surrendering to Love

My favorite poet by far is Kahil Gibran. I have read his poems over and over and I never get bored of them. They bring new meaning to me every time. He writes a lot about 'Love', but most importantly he writes from a place of Love, and that's why I never get bored of his poems, because love is never boring, Love is forever changing, it is forever rejuvenating, and it is forever growing. Love, 'always gives' us the chance to learn like children ... the chance to explore the depths of our souls, and a chance to commit to the intensity of every relationship, whether that be with another human, with ourselves or the whole Universe with everything in it and beyond ... Love has no boundaries and is all encompassing.

Love hurts they say ... if you have ever been in love, then I am sure you have experienced pain ... "For even as loves crowns you, so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning" eloquently writes Kahil in his poem about love, taken from the book 'The Prophet'.

Some people avoid relationships all together, for the fear of feeling 'the pain' of what this so called love brings. So instead, they suffer in isolation, or they casually shrug 'I like being on my own'..." really ?" we frown. If you avoid relating with the world to avoid the pruning of love, then how is it you can be 'alone' yet still feel the blades of love cut deep ? It's because love continually tries to heal every single 'unloving' cell in your whole being in relation to 'yourself'. It never stops, and it never tires. Love will attempt to penetrate you until there is not a single ounce of doubt in your heart that Love certainly does exist. After while, Love will demonstrate to you, through the expression of your life that in fact  'Love does not hurt' ... But the 'Fight against Love hurts very much'. And Love, loves you so much, that It will never cease to prune you ... and the only way to stop the pain of loves clippers and grow with joy ... is to Surrender.

When we experience pain, we often blame the stimulus which provoked the pain. I'm hurting because my partner broke up with me, I'm hurting because I a have ill health, I am hurting because I have no money, I am hurting because my family don't understand me, I'm hurting because my children won't behave, I'm hurting because I don't have the house I want, I am hurting because my life is a mess ... I am hurting because because because ... But the Truth is ... the affliction we feel from these outside circumstances, stems from the pain which is 'already' embedded inside of us ... and Love, being love, desires to heal all of these angst's that we have ingrained within us. And so, the genius heart of Love uses everything in her power to show us where we need to learn more about love in order to heal our wounds, so that we may experience life with the greatest joy available.

With this in mind, we can now look at every painful event in our life as an 'opportunity to grow in love'. When I feel any kind of pain, no matter what the situation, no matter what I think the other person 'did to me' ... I can now stop myself before reacting, before blaming, and ask myself  these questions, 'What is Love trying to heal' ? 'What is Love trying to teach me about myself ? 'How can I use loves clippers to remove this thorn which has stabbed me in my flesh' ? 'What unloving emotion am I avoiding so much that I have to create great pain in order to notice it '? ' How can I be more accepting right now to help transform this pain into Love ? ... I could of course not ask these questions. I could pretend to not feel the pain, or I could insist that it was 'them' and 'not me' that caused this suffering. I could put a plaster on the cut and carry on with life with my scares. I could be like an ostrich and bury my head in the sand with denial ...  Yes, I can do all these things, but I won't be able to escape Loves patience for long, because soon enough, once again, the silver tongue of  my favorite poet will scribe the traits of love for me to learn...

'He grinds you to your whiteness,
 He kneads you until you are pliant,
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become the sacred bread for Gods sacred feast.
All these things shall Love do unto you until you know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of life's heart.'

Allowing Love into your life can be quite frightening. 'Love' herself is not intimidating, but the passion and commitment Love has in demonstrating to you where you are being  unloving can be quite traumatic ... for Love will undoubtedly 'show you' how you 'Truly' are ... If you desire to love as Love does, and that would be to love unconditionally, then Love with all her might will freely reveal to you all of the conditions you have placed upon her, in order that you may see and experience for yourself the difference between conditional and unconditional Love ... When you feel pain, your conditions were exposed ... When you feel joy, you experienced Loves knowing.

 You cannot bend the laws of Love, and Love will not help you bend them...Try as you may to fight against the Laws of Love, but you will not prevail... you can kick, punch, scream and rage against Loves door ... but Love has intelligently covered her door with a mirror, so like a boxer, you are able to see exactly how you duel. Love will only open the door and let you in her house when you act as lovingly as herself.

Patiently she will leave you on the door step if you demand to be let inside. She will reflect her mirror willingly at you, and with all her heart will devotionally flood her feelings of love upon you. The more you kick, the more you break, the more punch, the more you bleed,  the louder you scream, the more deaf you become,  the more rage you project, the more damage to your soul ... Loves patience will eventually out power your struggle, and eventually you will tire, eventually you will become exhausted, eventually you will drop to your knees, eventually you will unclench your fists and open your palms, eventually will you 'tap out' and open your heart, eventually you 'Will' Surrender ...

Upon Surrender, all doors are opened ... and all love floods in. Now that you have stopped kicking, she can get close to you, now you have stopped punching she can hold you in her arms and cradle you, now that you have stopped screaming you can hear her affectionate words of love and forgiveness, now that you have stopped raging you can feel the warmth of her love embody you and receive the tenderness you need. Now that you have softened with surrender you may share this love with others. Like a mirror you journey, reflecting as loves messenger for others to see themselves in you... Maybe others will also be brought to their knees in your presence, allowing for you to flood their hearts will love, allowing them to heal their pain, allowing them to surrender, allowing them to be kneaded like bread without the fear of judgment, for they recognise you are not shy of putting yourself into the sacred fire, for Gods sacred feast ... And so, as you finish reading this post and go about your day, look deep into the mirror of your life... and sincerely give up the struggle, humbly give up the fight, tap out ... and Surrender to Love

Permission slip

Permission ... permission ... permission ... what do you think about when you think about permission ? Am I 'aloud' sprung to my mind when I asked myself that question... Am I Aloud !... But what is permission and why is it important to your self growth ? Well, the degree to how much pleasure, joy, passion, abundance and love you have in your life can be traced back to how much 'permission' you 'allow' yourself to have in receiving and giving those gifts.

As you delve more and more into the feeling of 'permission' you may realise that a lot of your 'permission slips' were wrote by your parents. The slips were placed into your pocket, a kept their for 'your' safe keeping. The permission slip in your pocket was kind of your parents version of giving you a 24/7 security guard, so that when your parents were not around, your 'permission slip' would keep you safe. 'Don't speak to strangers for they will take you away and do bad things to you' was written on my slip. ( ironically, it nearly happened twice )

For most of us, as we get older, we some how have never managed to throw away our parents permission slip. We somehow left it in our pocket. It never popped into our minds that we could ever re write our very permission slip, mainly because on our little piece of paper, our parents wrote in big black letters  '  YOU ARE NEVER EVER ALLOWED TO RE WRITE YOUR OWN PERMISSION SLIP ' and so we obeyed that of course, because we didn't have errrm ... permission to do anything else !

As you get older and to start to mix with other adults, you will start to realise that everybody else is also still carrying around with them in their pocket their very own personalised 'permission slip', which yes, was written by their parents some twenty odd or more years ago. Depending on what is written on 'your' permission slip, will usually determine where, what, and who you hang out with, or what kind of job you seek, or what lovers you fall for, or what situations you get yourself into... the list goes on. (hmmm, am I still scared of strangers I wonder ? )

I remember as a youngster I was only ever allowed to eat three biscuits with my cuppa tea (always sneaked a fourth though with a slight of hand magician move). Fair enough you might say, that's probably good for your health and I would agree. But zoom forward to when I became 20 years old, sitting in my shared apartment in Spain as an 'Adult', I was drinking my cuppa tea, and I had dunked my three biscuit allowance ( plus the 4th biscuit which I sneaked in,... you see, I still had my security guard), but I wanted more, shock shock horror... but 'oh no' ... I am only allowed to eat three biscuits, what do I do ? Of course, I quickly realised that my mum was a few countries away and so I polished off the whole packet. But my point is, I was an adult, and I almost, very almost, let the permission slip of my youth decide what I was allowed to do as an adult.

But it goes deeper than that, much deeper. That was just one small example about eating biscuits, imagine how many more permission slips I have regarding love, money, careers, relationships, sex, hobbies, passions and my desires ? I dare say I have still got many out of date permission slips still stuffed in my pocket. I'm in the process of taking them out of my pocket, reading them, and seeing if I still need them ... Awareness of your habits is the key to self growth !

Permission slips are very powerful, and they can shape your whole future. The thing is, the permission slip in its self is not is not what gives the green and red lights. It is the 'intent' in which the permission slip was written which will determine how your '24/7 security guard' will take care of you. A permission slip written out of 'fear' will have the guard lock you in your prison, blocking you from all your 'True Joy'. A permission slip written out of 'Love', will have your security guard granting you the keys, allowing you to open your cell saying " I'm free". Hence my fear based permission slip which read 'Don't speak to strangers for they will take you away and do bad things to you ' actually got me into the situation that my parents feared most, and then of course this proved their belief, and my permission slip became a fact, and more solidified ! ...

... Could that all have been avoided I wonder ? What if the permission slip was wrote with love and trust because that's what my parents believed in their hearts... " Son, explore the world with freedom, many people will help and assist you, greet new people with a smile, make friends and have the power to say 'no' to people you feel are not being nice to you " ...Would my life have been shaped differently if I'd had that kind of belief instilled in me ?  Would I have avoided at 5 years old, the luring arm of the strange man who sneakily led me away from my mum from outside the souvenir shop in Spain ? ... Who knows, but its an interesting thought. I'm not bashing parents here, for I know what a tough job parenting is. But what I am saying is ... Beware / Be aware of your patterns, for they will hold the keys to your pain and pleasure.  By the way, my Mum caught me in the nick of time, she saw me half way down the street and she shouted Oye ! , the guy took his hand from my back and quickly ran away. Lucky escape.

Ok, enough of the dark side, lets jump into the light and have some fun. Last weekend I attended a really amazing workshop called ' what about you ?' facilitated by Jamie Catto www.jamiecatto.com  ... please, please check it out and get yourself to the next workshop if you can, for there, you will have many opportunities to catch what is written on your permission slip, and you will get to meet lots of cool inspiring people. And So, here it is again www.jamiecatto.com  you don't need permission ... just go !

It was at the workshop that I was reminded about 'Permission'... Permission to be who I 'really want to be'. I had somehow forgotten over the years that I am 'allowed' to keep on exploring myself in many different ways. I had kind of got into a little rut of believing what I like and what I don't like.  In the workshop, I was guided brilliantly to once again think outside of the box. Already since last weekend, I have looked at different art, music and met friends that I would of not met before. I have new ideas, and new projects waiting to be given birth too. I met Ed, a photographer www.edwardhaynes.co.uk  who would like to collaborate with me in making a possible documentary " come to Brixton and lets start shooting " he casually suggested ... shooting a film that is, he was not a  Brixton gangster, but who knows, I do love a bit of Tarantino. It may or may not happen, but the possibilities are blossoming, and that feels exciting... and remember ... Excitement generates Energy ... the energy to do the things you love. Not having excitement in ones life I believe is one of the major causes of 'atrophy' or you can say 'wasting away' , means the same thing ... You see, I'm getting smarter with my new permission slips :)

So how do you go about of Re Writing your permission slips ?

Well, you do just that ... You 'write' your permission slip. Even though its a bit of fun to get your creative juices flowing, I would strongly recommend that you take this exercise seriously, because this is about your Life remember ...

Ok, this is what I want you to do ... IMAGINE ... IMAGINE ... IMAGINE ......... Imagine the life you really desire, and I mean 'really desire', not the life you feel you are 'allowed' to desire by other peoples standards. When I mean 'your' desire, I mean 'YOUR' desire. Give yourself  'Permission' to live how you see it. Now, the key here is to not hold back, really go for it ...

Ready ? Good ! ... Now, write out your fantasy life. I have prompted you with some useful questions, which may help with your vision and imagination. But you can add more or take away anything as you like for this is about you. When you write this, really really give yourself  permission to imagine, and become excited ... because its the excitement that will carry you through !  ...Really script it out, be brave with your imagination, and write it as if nobody would will ever read it ... Really conjure up how you see your life to be, and feel your way through it. Ok ... Go !

...What is your purpose in life ? What is your mission? Who are your friends ? What job do you do ? What projects do you create ? How and where do you live ? What food do you like ? What no longer serves you ?  What clothes do you wear ? What social events do you go to ? What sex do you like ? What music do you like ? Do you travel Bermuda ? Is your best friend David Beckham or David Cameron ? What car do you drive ? Do you sunbathe naked ? Who inspires you ? Do you have breakfast Robert De nero ? Lunch with Oprah Winfrey ? Supper with Richard Branson ? Go clubbing with Jay-Z  and Beyonce ? After party with Bugs bunny ? ... its your call ... everything is possible ... write it down !

 ... You may eventually find that you actually don't really want what you first imagined, but this exercise is about 'allowing yourself the freedom to explore', and then choose what you really desire ... 'It is giving yourself permission'. It is allowing yourself to eat a whole packet of biscuits when you were only allowed to eat three as child... You may never 'choose' to act on your visions, but at least you gave yourself permission to choose. Death be the man on auto pilot ... The permission of choice is where your freedom lies ! Oh yes a reminder ... 'Loving' permission slips will serve you much better. A judge will not let you off the hook from killing people, cheating, robbing and lying just because you wrote yourself a permission slip, so please remember the 'Law of cause and effect' !

If you feel daring, and wish to solidify your 'Dream Life', then please feel free to send me your script. There is something more risky with a sense of 'Aliveness' when you give yourself permission to be seen as you wish to be seen by another. I have found that sharing yourself with the world helps you 'participate' with the world. Instead of just being 'in it' ... you help 'create' it ... so please, post below in the comments your dream life or write to me at www.perrykhaldenby.co.uk ... and together we can inspire each other... because you know ... my new permission slip says...' I have to meet more strangers'.    :)

Your imagination is very unique and very powerful and is the first step into creating the life you desire. The next step is action and planning, I will blog about that next time, or... if you wish to work with me one-one and explore mentorship, contact me at www.perrykhaldenby@gmail.com or please check out and share my website www.perryhaldenby.co.uk

Now this clip is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen in showing us how to use our imagination with excitement and fun. You must watch it ... I am not giving you permission to skip this :)  I hope you enjoy it.

What is your treasure ?

I remember when I was younger, 'adults' would say to me "as you get older, time speeds up". As I am getting older, they seem to be bloody right. The days, weeks, months and years are flying by. 'Time' is always an interesting subject ... does time even exist some question ? and what about time zones ? I once flew from New Zealand on the 8th of November and arrived into the Americas on the 7th of November, I had gone back in time, that was pretty trippy. And in certain parts of India they are 5 and a '1/2' hours in front, where does the '1/2' come from ? strange but true. And in space there are such things as 'time warps' the ability to travel through universe with seemingly no time at all. 

There was a young lady of Wight,

Who traveled much faster than light,
She departed one day,
In a relative way,
And arrived on the previous night. 

( I didn't make this limerick up btw)

TIME... 

What a great subject. Time is also closely related to 'Money' if you think about it ... we can spend money, and we can spend time. In 'business' the saying goes  'time is money' !

Money can also be seen as 'Treasure', and we also have the ability to 'Treasure Time' 'Treasured memories ' ... I'm loving how all these words interlink.  So if money and time are seen as treasure ... and treasure is valuable ... then how you 'spend' your 'time' must also be of value ? 

I can come to the logic conclusion that a ' financially rich person' spends their 'money' wisely for they do not wish to waste their bank account ... and a 'humanly rich person' spends their 'time' wisely for they do not wish to waste their life. The difference of course is that money spent can be made back, and time, ' in that specific moment'... is lost forever... time spent well on the other hand lasts for ever.

So the question begs ... how do you spend your time ? is your time valuable ? are you even aware of what is valuable in you life ? are you wasting valuable time ? ... Zoom forward and imagine yourself at your own funeral ... looking down, you see the faces of your loved ones, friends, parents, spouse, children, work colleagues ... how do you wish to be remembered ? what qualities or achievements would you like each person to remember you by ? what legacy would you like to leave behind ? What treasure would you like to be buried with ? Would you like to be buried with the your treasured money or your treasured time ? ... when we deeply think about these things, our values are put into perspective. I believe when you live a life of deep value, and align your life to be in harmony those values, with a sense of purpose and mission ... then it is less likely that you will waste your time. You will know what is important to you, and your life's decisions will be made much easier because your choices will be evaluated against the vision and mission of your life. If your life's purpose is not  ingrained in your heart, then you are very likely to stray and become confused about your life. Our mission and purpose will act as compass, so if we ever do lose track, we can resort back to our purpose to find our way back to our path.

Remember, you do not have to be dead in order to 'not be living' ...  does your heart beat with life and zest ... or does your heart beat with boredom and gloom ...

" for where your heart is, there will also be your treasure"

Here is an exercise that is easy, and can determine what is your TRUE treasure and what is your FALSE treasure. It will help you with your 'self awareness' to understand how you spend your time,resources and what you value in your life .. its easy, fun and probably very surprising !

STEP 1  

Write down every thing in your life in which you 'THINK' you treasure, in what you think you desire and value most in your life ?

Step 2

Now, prioritize the list in order of importance. The most important being at the top of the list and then least important at the bottom.

Step 3

Now, write down along side all the things you have wrote in your list 'how much time' you spend 'doing' that thing you think you treasure... and be very honest !

Step 4

Re examine your list. Does the amount of time you spend engaging your treasure reflect the importance of your treasure? 

 It is logic to assume that the most important things on your list will be the things that you spend the most time doing. If you find the most important treasure at the top of your list has the least amount of time allocated to it, then I would suggest re evaluating the importance of your treasures

 E.g. If your children are the most important thing for you, then it makes sense that a lot of time and effort will be put into your children, and so the time allocated to that treasure would be quite high. Or if you placed at the top of your list, your job, your partner, your community, God ... then they would naturally have the most time allocated to them. 

However ... lets say at the top of your list you wrote your children, your partner, your family or your job to represent what you 'think' are your most important treasures.  Look at the time spent allocated for those things. If you realize that little time is spent engaging in those things, and that you actually spend a big chunk of your time doing other stuff, one would have to honestly ask themselves ' do I really treasure what I am saying I treasure ? 

With this awareness I can now look at my life and determine what is it I truly treasure. If I am living my life and not spending time being active in my treasures, then I can ask myself two questions :

1. Do I really value what I think is my treasure ?

or

2. Are there some fears preventing me from engaging myself in my treasure ?

If my answer is number 1, then I can simply re evaluate my priorities. 

If my answer is number 2, I can then work towards and become proactive in dissolving my fears, so that I can move forward and engage in my treasures.  

This exercise requires deep honesty with your self. Faking the amount of time you spend doing certain things will only lead to self deception and will not help you. Some things on your list maybe multitasking and that's OK, like I can play sports and be in nature at the same time, or I can do my gardening and pray at the same time.

Well ... I hope you have found this post useful, it can be quite an eye opener. I myself am in the process of really evaluating how I spend my time, what is important to me and what are my true treasures. The depth of your values, will dictate the depth and greatness of your life. Does your treasure make only yourself rich or does what you value enrich the whole of humankind and all of creation ? I predict the more selfless your treasures the greatest joy will feel, your treasures will be spent well... what you sew, you reap.

Over time, what you treasure may change, and its good to be aware of that ... but remember ' Time waits for nobody ' ...

.... So get to it, get involved, challenge yourself, create a vision, attend to your mission, ...don't delay your love, for it will bring you your greatest joy ... Oh ...and never ever give up, never give up, never give up ....never give up because...

...“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.”― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Now... you must watch this moving clip which supports my post today. Enjoy with love and share

7 habits of highly effective people

Welcome,
If you are reading this post, then you were attracted to the idea of becoming a highly effective person.

I don't know about you, but for me, I am continually striving to become MORE than I already am.
 But why is that ? Why not just be happy with the way I am and be done with it ?
 Well...I love the idea of POSSIBILITIES !  I love the sense of adventure, the sense of exploring myself in a new way, variety is the spice of life, a change is as good as a holiday so they say. When I explore myself, I get to learn more about myself , I become interested in what makes me tick, I develop a passion, I become my own life long hobby, this kindles a sense of self love, and like everything that kindles, a spark is initiated, a spark of life or a spark of light you might say, and who doesn't desire to shine in all their humble glory ? Unless of course you do desire to be dim, lifeless, a shadow in the corner, dwindling away into the darkness ? we don't want that though do we, eh ! (actually, a lot of us do )
    Although, I have found that it is not always easy to be so eager in striking the match against my soul, for at times it feels just too dark and hard, and the strength to shine feels impossible. But its in those times when I can choose to dig a little deeper, learn a little more, push a little harder, reflect on myself with a little more awareness, and then eventually something strikes ! A new spark is ignited. I 'see' myself and things around me in a 'new light'. The dark place becomes bright again, and my soul shines with just that little bit more brilliance and I feel a little bit more loving. My goal of course, is to cast out all shadows. It is said that if an Angel would present themselves to us as we often picture them to be, with all halo's, trumpets and wings blazing, then they would blind us, for that's how bright they are ... So, am I suggesting that I want to become like an angel ..erm ... I guess I am.

 So, how do I get there ? how do I become like an angel ? how do I become a shinning light ? how do I become the grandest version of myself ? how do I become a awe inspiring husband, wife, brother, sister, friend, workmate ... human being ? how can I transform myself  from who I am, to who I want to be ? Well ... It all begins in my imagination.

Begin with end in mind...
There is the saying that everything is created twice. First in the imagination and then secondly in the physical. Lets take building a house from scratch for example. Before any hammer nails get involved, the designer must firstly imagine in clear detail how they want it to be, they must picture and work with their imagination to understand how many bedrooms there will be, how big the kitchen will be, will there be a living room and separate dinning room or will they be joined together, do they want sliding doors and a patio leading to the garden, what will the colour scheme be, will there be a children's area or a study room ... the list goes on, and it is all firstly worked out and created in the mind or the imagination.
 When the designer has a clear picture of what is to be built, it is then reduced to a blueprint and construction plans are developed. All this is done before any earth is moved, if not, in the second creation, the physical, they may have to be some expensive changes and that may double the cost of the home. The carpenters rule is " measure twice, cut once". The lesson here is to make the first creation as clear as possible, think everything through. Then put in the bricks and mortar. And then each day as you go to work on building your dream home, you pull out the blueprint and get to work on it until it is achieved.

So whats all this got to do with being a highly effective human being ?

Well, 'Beginning with the end in mind' is the 2nd of 7 habits taken from the book '7 habits of highly effective people' by Stephen Covey ... and it is this book that I am currently studying, and beginning to mentor myself and others with. Of course there are many books out there which one can follow, and I have myself read a lot of them. I am not saying this is the only way to transform yourself, but I must say that I am finding this process a highly useful practical tool in my life right now.

 The 7 habits themselves are based on principals and natural laws, so they apply to everyone and every situation, and not only in humans but also in nature, and that's why I really like this work, there is a synergy between my inner and outer world.

What are the other habits ?

Habit 1: Be proactive ! ~ have the initiative and take the responsibility to make things happen ... 'Response - ability' the ability to respond and not react ! highly effective people recognize that responsibility and do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is based on conscious choice, based on values. Act or be acted upon !

Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind ! ~ All things are created twice. First in the imagination, secondly in the physical. Whether we know it or not we are always creating our life in every moment. The catch is, do we desire to create the life 'we choose' through our 'own awareness', OR... will our life be created for us by 'somebody else's creation' ? ... and this is where habit 1 and habit 2 work together ... Act your imaginations or be acted upon by somebody elses ! Create your vision and live your mission.

Habit 3: Personal management ! Effective management is putting first things first. While leadership decides what "first things" are, it is management that puts them first, day to day, moment-by-moment. Management is discipline, carrying it out. Its the exercise of  'independent will' ... the discipline to make it happen.A manager decides the best way to chop down the jungle, the leader climbs to the top of the trees and shouts " we are in the wrong jungle " ...  Whats urgent ? whats important ? whats not urgent but important ?can you say 'no' to the things that are not aligned to your vision and mission ? Habit 3 is effective planning and managing your mission " wars are won in the tent " the General says. Get in the right jungle and manage well !

Habit 4: Win / Win : Seek mutual benefit. Learn how to bring balance into all relationships. Appreciate cooperation. You want your way, I want my way ... can we together 'CREATE' a third way which benefits us both ? being careful not to compromise each other as that leaves each other with second best. Win / Win means together we creatively and consciously 'choose' a way which may be even better than our original ideas. If nothing can be created or cooperated then of course a 'No Deal' can be created which is harmonious for all parties. In relationships deep emotions may have to be dealt with, but if each person can move into that space with a win / win feeling in their awareness, then the relationship has much better chance of being enhanced. It takes great commitment, trust, respect, compassion and love to reach this space.

Habit 5: Seek first to understand then be understood ! Empathic listening. When you listen to someone, are you really listening ? or are you busy making up your own stories in order to make a reply ? Seek first to understand means you put all my heart into the listening. You try to feel and put yourself in their your shoes. You try to see the world how they see it. Instead of listening with your personal autobiography, you feel how the other person feels and listen with your heart as well as your mind. Listening with empathy allows the other person to open up and say how they truly feel. Then seek to be understood. Seeking to understand takes empathy, seeking to be understood takes courage.

Habit 6: Synergize : The whole is greater then the sum of its parts. Synergy values the differences between all things and seeks to create a better way. In a class room the teacher can present a topic which is safe, and then one student may open up their hearts on the subject which creates excitement for other students to become more open. Trust and openness is expanded and the topic begins a life of its own. The students learn much more effectively because their hearts are involved. They create and bring new ideas 'together'. They listen with 'empathy ' and bonds of love and joy are created. Habits 4 and 5 are brought together and synergized. We can bring synergy into all our relationships.

Habit 7: Renewal : Sharpening your sword. habit 7 is our day of rest. Our time to reflect on the week, reflect on our achievements and weakness. Taking time feel how we feel and observe how we interact is crucial to self awareness and growth. In our self renewal time we can plan the week ahead, re visit our mission statements and see if they are still true to our values. We can plan and vision the future. We can take the time to see which relationships need more care. Taking time each week for self awareness creates balance. The time can be used to evaluate what is important to you, or forecast new goals, desires and passions. Reflect on current projects and see if they are going to plan or not. Habit 7 helps brings continuous focus and awareness, making sure you are directing your life in the way you desire.

Thank you for taking time to read this post. I would like now to invite you to take part in a fun questionnaire which will maybe useful for you to learn more about yourself. All the instructions are here waiting for you when you click this link www.lighthouseinternationalgroup.com/  . If you like what you had read so far and want to learn more, or wish to inquire about mentoring, please feel free to get in touch.  www.perrykhaldenby@gmail.com

Its been a while since I have posted a video clip to support my posts, so I am excited to share this really inspiring scene which I feel relates to the 7 habits of highly effective people. Enjoy with Love