A place to discover poetry and stories inspired by Gods Way of Love

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Love always conquers fear

Why is there so much fear and destruction in the world ?
-because we simply do not have enough faith in Love !

A year ago or so I was personally confronted with one of my greatest fears, it was a life changing moment, and it happened in a way that I never thought possible. If I hadn't experienced this, I may not believe what I am about to tell you - Love always conquers fear - no matter what !

Here is what happened a year ago... True story.

After a series of events I found myself living back at my Mums place for a few months. This was the same house that I grew up in as a child. I lived on a rough council estate in the North of England where crime, drugs, gangs and hard violence were notorious and 'normal'. Once, the police were called out to my Mothers house for a suspicious break in. The police found a man hiding underneath one of the beds, on the floor laid an 'axe' ... and he was later identified as my Mothers next door neighbour. He broke in because he knew my Mother was on holiday and wanted to rob the place. That's the type of neighbourhood I'm talking about !

Anyway, back to the night that changed my life ...

I left the house one dark winters night to go to the bar I was reluctantly working at for a short time. Walking over the short patch of wet grass to get into my car I suddenly heard screaming and shouting. A girls voice was screeching "get off me, get off me" !
My heart started to beat fast, and as I looked across the cold street I saw a young man violently pinning a young girl up against a pebble dashed stonewall under an amber lit street light. In the years leading up to that night, I had often pondered the question 'What would I do if I ever saw a man attacking a women'.  I would propose that question to myself because I knew of my fear of violence, and I had wondered 'what would Love do in that situation'? I had figured that, for some reason one day I would probably find myself in that position, and here I was. So, what did I do ? ...

In that fearful split second moment, I had so many thoughts flashing through my mind. Do I just get in my car and let them get on with it, its not my business, it's just a couple having a fight right ? ... I can't do that, what if she's getting hurt, raped, mugged or killed. Shit, what do I do ? What if he's got a knife ? What if I go over and then I get badly hurt ? I've never been in a street fight before, what do I do ? Do I just run over and smash him ? But then 'I am' being violent, shit, but he is hurting her, so he deserves it right ? fuck, fuck fuck ... Why am I so scared, I'm such a coward, what if I just pretend its not happening and walk away ! 'You can't walk away' another voice loomed in, 'this is your law of attraction, this is a fear which needs to be conquered so that you can grow and experience a greater demonstration of Love'. I then understood what I needed to do.

Before I knew it, I found myself walking across the dark street shouting "Hey, do you two need any help". Startled, they stopped shouting and they both looked my way. The young man had his arms tightly wrapped around the girl which made her look like she was in a straight jacket. Her arms pinned to her sides. Not wearing many clothes for a winters night. As I got closer I noticed that there was blood on their hands, but I sensed that neither of them were badly hurt.

"Mate" he shouted to me in a strong Hull accent. I stood about two meters away.
"Mate, I'm trying to stop her from killing herself . She's got a piece of glass in her hands and wants to slash her wrists. I'm her boyfriend". So this was not the situation I was expecting,
I looked at her hands, it was true. Good job I didn't just run in and smash him. The girls head was now slumped forwards with her long blonde hair covering her face. Ashamed to look up I sensed.
"Mate, we've just been at a family house party around the corner " he said with a slurry voice. "We've both had a few drinks and we've had a really good night until now. When she's had a drink, she always gets really depressed and does crazy shit like this. She's done it before loads, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to stop it ".

For some reason I felt really calm.
"Whats your name mate" I asked him.
"Whats your girlfriends name ?"
"Ah right... my names Perry" I softly said."Is it true Sarah what Pete is saying". She nodded slowly.
"Do you know why you do this Sarah". There was a pause of silence. I knew why of course, but I needed to get into her heart, because this was the only way out of this mess.
"Because nobody loves me, so there is no point being here"
"Its not true mate, its not true mate" Pete painstakingly interjected. "It's not true, I love her".
"I don't believe him" Sarah quietly said shaking her head. "He just says that".
"Well, for someone who doesn't love you, he is sure not doing a bad job at stopping you from killing yourself " I said. Still no response from her.
"I tell her all the time mate but she never believes me" said Pete, still gripping her tightly, just as tightly as Sarah was squeezing the sharp glass.

Ok, 'here goes' I thought. I then kinda blanked everything else out, but I was totally aware of what was happening around me. I could hear Peter talking to me, chatting away, telling me his and her story. But my focus was now on Sarah, I watched her slumped over in the tightly gripped hold. There was no response from her, she was totally shut down emotionally. It's time to talk to her heart I said to myself, and then for the next few minutes I talked to her whilst she was absolutely silent. Initially I became self conscious and I thought it was a silly thing for me to focus on her in this way, but that was my fear creeping in. My fear of expressing Love.

and so my prayer to her went something like this ...
"I knew a girl who once used to self harm Sarah. Do you know that ? And she would think thoughts just like you do. But she is ok now. She got through it. She had slashed herself Sarah many times before because she didn't believe that people could love her, and cutting herself felt much better and more calming than the feeling of not feeling love. But through a series of events her heart opened, and now she feels love and she doesn't do it anymore.She has her down times of course, but she doesn't cut herself. I mean, I've been there myself Sarah. Many of us have been there. I know you might not believe me but I've thought in the past that life would be better if I also just killed myself, that people and the world would be much better off if I wasn't around, I used to think that I was just a waste of space. I promise, I've not been far from where you are now".

Silence, only silence, however I could now sense that she was listening, and most importantly her heart was listening, but she didn't respond. She still had her hand wrapped around the shard of glass like a knife. Pete was still gripping Sarah's arms down tightly.

"Many people love you you know. And in time you will feel it. I know right now in this moment you can't ever imagine that happening, I know you feel it's impossible, I've been there, and I still am sometimes, I know how it feels to not feel love, but it will happen. Pete loves you, and even I love you... a stranger. I was scared to come over, but I've come over here because I love you both, I wanted to help, how many strangers do you know who would do that. You are loved Sarah ... you are Loved, you - are - loved, do you know that ? you are loved ... "

In that moment, there was complete stillness, and complete silence from us all. It was like we were all contemplating what had just happened.

And then I heard it ... Smash !
Sarah had dropped the glass on the concrete path ... and with it her heart cracked too, and at last, the loved poured in, and she started to cry. Pete, exhausted, slowly let go of his grip in astonishment and relief. Sarah paused for second. She didn't say a word,  she just slowly walked off into the night with her hands over her eyes crying. "Thanks Mate" Peter said as he looked at me astonished, "thanks mate", he then walked after her, I never saw them ever again.

I walked to my car and sat in the drivers seat in disbelief at what had just happened. With my straight arms stretched out, I put both hands on the steering wheel and looked out through the windscreen at the street lamp where we just were, and I took a deep breath and held it. I reviewed in slow motion what had just happened. When I finally registered the whole event from the beginning to the end I collapsed on my out breath and folded into sobbing tears, for I had just personally experienced that Love, will always conquer fear- no matter the situation, and miracles will seemingly appear, my prayer had been answered. I hope this restores your faith in Love.