Humilty

You can call me all the names under the sun for all I care,
your words can never hurt me - Gods light has already shined her Love upon my Soul,
and I've already felt the worst in me -
tis the reason I am forgiven.
Your words will burn and turn to ashes,
yet I,
will shine forever more.

My Soul burns Love for the rising sun,
and my Soul burns Love for my rising doubts,
as the rays of Love pour forth from God,
my heart shines through the darkened clouds.

Your tail will sting your very own tongue,
and you will die from the poison you reserved for me.
Nothing but death can be born from wickedness,
and you my friend hold no torch.

Yet nay, do not fret,
I am loved not more nor less than thee,
and you shall not be forgotten.

Our Mother and Father Love you,
they have you in their sight,
prayer to them my dear sib
and bring back peace to Life.

Mercy

I stood there,
with my sword in my hand,
covered in blood,
panting.
I don't know how long we had been fighting.
Enough for us to be both exhausted.
My enemy lay there before me, disarmed, also covered in blood.
I was fighting for love and my survival.
It was revenge.
This bastard had taken everything from me.
I cocked my head and looked at his lifeless body
- and I cried at what I had done.

I hadn't have needed to kill him
I had needed to Love him

A letter to Shame

Dear Shame

Alas,

 the gloves are off ...
... oh there you are you sneaky piece of shame. Thank God I know how you work now. My word, you are a tricky fucker. How smart you are, an absolute fucking genius. Outstanding really. No wonder you are one of the most powerful destroying forces ever known to mankind.

I'm amazed at how you work ... but I have to say, you are pretty cruel. You somehow figured out that the 'Truth shall set us free', and then, you went and planted yourself in the centre of our hearts, the place from where we truly speak, and poisoned us. From there, you smeared yourself on every unloving act that has ever happened in our life, actions that have either been done 'to us', or 'by us'. In fact, you also often taint the 'Loving' gestures of human souls too, you are that devious and conniving. And then like an octopus, you wrap your tentacles around our hearts - and squeeze, clouding our blood stream with black ink - contaminating our once pure selves until we are riddled with you.

So that now puts us in one big fucking dilemma - that puts us in one big fucking stranglehold. Its a catch 22 - a weapon of mass destruction, because you know that a human being would, on most part,  'rather die than speak of their shame. You use our fear of not being accepted or rejected by the world as a ransom - and not only that, you laugh at us in that place, mock us, make us believe it's our fault - knowing full well what you are doing, knowing full well you are to blame, knowing full well we will shrivel into hole of disgust . Oh dear shame, you must have been treated so badly in your life to relish at human suffering.

Skeletons in the closet, your hiding place. You have somehow wired yourself into our beliefs that if we open the door and let the skeletons out, then we are well and truly fucked on all levels. Not just fucked ... but proper fucked ... you make us tremble with terror. Its tragic. Our frozen state of silence prevents us from ever showing the world who we truly are. The crazy thing about it all though, is, that pretty much every single other human being is smeared with the same feeling, but because of you 'shame' - nobody says a fucking word - and so we believe that everybody else must be 'hunky dory', 'hey Ok'  'got their shit together', 'accomplished' ...'somehow not as fucked up as we are' - But its a lie, one way or another, they are just as fucked up as we are, because 'shame' -you are rife !!

But I got out of your grip the other day. I told someone about you. I told them what I felt ashamed about. Granted, my words choked on the way out, no fucking wonder, your hands were so tightly wrapped around my throat begging me to not expose you. But, too late - I did. I let you out of the bag, and my God, what a relief - Ironically, the person I spoke to about my shame, sympathised, and loved me even more - the exact opposite of what I thought would happen, it seems humans are not so desensitised, and there was nothing to fear after all. One brave human opening their heart seems to soften the hardened stone of the other, Love then flows, and it is allowed to be felt, sometimes for the first time in their life. I know Shame, you hope with all your might that we never believe we can be loved for simply being who we truly are - warts and all, triumphs and traumas, the good, the bad and the ugly ... and this my friend, is your biggest bribe- 'Keep quiet, or shall tell everyone your dirty secrets'. And we fall for it every time ... until that is ... we speak the Truth, and then, only then, can your spell be broken, and we are undoubtedly,
Washed
and
Set Free ...

I'm sorry to have to break it too you, but the word is getting out now of your ways, more and more people are starting to talk and understand how to escape from your cleverly constructed, manipulative, suffocating hold - and it feels promising. There is hope in my heart that one day, we will all be brave enough to speak courageously of you. I have hope that as a human race we will stop suppressing you with sex, drugs, food and alcohol, and instead, we will prefer to swallow the bitter sweet pill of Truth, for in doing so, you will be released from our hearts forever with tears. This release of grief will create a void, and in the space where you once wedged your malicious self, and new friend of ours can joyously make a home, and yes, that's no other than your enemy, our saviour ... LOVE.

I hope to never see you again, but I am sure I will at some point,
so until then ...

Yours sincerely

Perry

The Achievable

Its unachievable they say,
so we rejoice in sin and bathe in shame,
turn a blind eye,
and it's God we blame.

Its unachievable they say,
tis saved for the messiah, thus mediocre is crowned,
perfection is slayed,
and its God we blame.

Its unachievable they say,
why bother, why try,
luxury fruit is to taste when I die.
and it's God we blame.

Nay God says, go forth with wide eyes,
the anointment is yours and the fruit is ripe,
receive my Love now,
and share my delight.

I tell you,
it is achievable

The Joy Of Giving

True Story -

I walked home one night and I said out loud "please God, help me to be a giver. Help me to not be so selfish" ...

I wondered how God would respond, and how soon ...

I walked a further 20 paces and the outside tube station sat a beggar. Knees curled into his chest, head down, one arm stretched out holding a half torn McDonald coffee cup. His other hand held a sign, saying 'please help with a little change'

Surprised at how quick God responded to my prayer, my voice inside said 'OH come on God, that is too cliche, I'm not giving this beggar money, he will only spend it on booze, come on, you can teach me better than that'

Another voice took over and said to me ' Just do it, and don't just give your coins, if you have a note in your wallet, give him that'

'A note' I questioned ...

'Yes .... a note' the voice confirmed

I opened my wallet, I had some coins, but there was also a five pound note, the only note I had. "A fiver, I grumbled, Im gonna give a fiver just like that "... Then I had a reality check, I said to myself ... 'a fiver is no big deal, of course I can afford to give him a fiver, come on, get a grip'. And so I walked on by and popped the blue note in his cup.

The beggar was so surprised, he was so grateful that I dropped a note instead of coins ... "Thank you so much" he repeatedly shouted to me as I walked down the stairs to my train. 'No worries brother, no worries, its the least I can do' I whispered to myself.

The next day ... I stopped by a posh hotel for a cup of tea, I hadn't been there for a while as its quite pricey. I ordered my usual pot of green tea and chilled for a while. Finally, I finished up, and asked for the bill. The waitress came over and smiled 'Oh hi there, I've not seen you for a while, don't worry, the tea is on the house, nice to see you back ', - You've guessed it. A pot of tea in that hotel normally cost five pounds. I smiled and thanked God for the lesson.

... the joy of giving. When you receive, you only receive the 'thing' ... but when you give, not only do you bless the other with the 'thing', but you also bless yourself by receiving the 'joy'... And is it not true we would all love to receive joy in our lives ...  To receive joy start by giving ; )

Addiction

Addictions ... what are you addicted too ?

Addiction is a massive subject, and so I'm gonna keep this post short and sweet, this is more of a note to self, and maybe it will jolt some folk who come across this post to think about their own addictions. Instead of me writing a ton, I will link a youtube post to seminars which explain all about addiction - after reading this post, I highly recommend you to watch this link here > Expectations and Addictions seminar

Originally today, I wanted to write about my recent 'Giving up Facebook' addiction, as it's been very interesting to not have it in my life any more, I will blog about it very soon. However, a little spurt of inspiration came to me just now to write a little on addiction, and so I wanted to follow through with that inspiration as I have not written anything for sometime... So here goes.

The thing with addiction is, it can be sometimes hard to tell if you are actually 'addicted' OR taking actions from a pure place of Desire and Love. (actually the easy way to know if are addicted to something is to take it away and see how it makes you feel, if you get angry, even mildly frustrated, then it was probably an addiction )

 Over the years I have been looking at my own addictions, to see how they play out in my life. I have asked myself  'Is this thing that am doing Loving to myself, to others, and my whole surrounding', and if the answers was 'NO, it is not', then my next question has been ... then why the hell am I doing it ?

When giving up an addiction, you often hear the term 'Will Power'... 'Strong will power will help you give up an addiction'. However, as I started to look at my own addictions, I realised that 'will power' alone was not strong enough, and what I ACTUALLY needed to engage in order to stop my addictions in the most powerful, ever lasting way... was to change my 'Will'.

 Errrm ...Is that not the same thing you might be thinking... actually it is not. 'Will power' is a change of 'Mind', whilst 'Will', is a change of  'Heart'. You can use your will power to stop smoking for example, however, if you have not changed your 'Will', then 'Your Heart' will still be eager to crave a drag on a cigarette, and effort on your part is needed to stop the action. If you had stopped smoking because you had a change of 'Heart', then you would not even think of wanting to smoke, on the contrary, you would not even need to TRY and not smoke, it would be like you have never smoked, there would be no desire at all, you wouldn't even think about it. I feel its very important to understand the difference between the two. 'Will power' may help the alcoholic stop drinking in the short term, which would prevent further damage to the body, however, the alcoholic will only really heal themselves when an acknowledgement is admitted in the 'Heart' for WHY they wanted to drink in the first place - 'not feeling Loved' for example. Only when the alcoholic feels the grief of not feeling Loved will the desire for a drink go away - as the grief is felt, Love can pour into the hole where Love was once absent. With Love now lodged in the heart where once the feeling of loneliness used to abode, the alcoholic would not be driven to drink - For Love would not do such a thing.
     I for example gave up eating meat after 29 years - I do not use my will power to try and not eat meat, there is literally no desire in me to want to eat it - So how did I do that ? Well, I was able to cultivate self love, and as the love accumulated, I just felt like I didn't want to eat meat any more, it was easy. I gained this sense of compassion for animals, which was once literally not there, I couldn't care less about animals before this moment. I could never understand how vegetarians could not eat meat. I literally never thought it possible that I would become a vegetarian/vegan. In fact, vegetarians used to annoy me.Only when I used my 'Will' in the direction of Love was I able to grow in Love, this Love continued to fill me to the point where I then had a 'Change of heart'. Through this process of growing in Love, I had a lot of grief to feel about the way I had been treating myself and my environment, including animals. I learnt from this experience that Love can do the impossible, and whence I'm filled with this substance, great changes can happen !

Every choice and decision we make in Life is either driven by an Addiction or Love

If you pursue an addicting, it will keep you imprisoned into a life void of Love. We often choose an addiction because we can't feel Love. Addictions gives us a feeling which we believe to be Love, or in a lot of cases, we are just so full of grief, and don't know what to do with our emotions, that we just think 'Oh fuck it' - then drink the booze, or snort the coke, smoke cigarettes, eat the junk ... the list goes on. Every action has a consequence, so be careful next time you say 'Oh fuck it' ... because if that action is not Loving, then eventually the 'pain' of that addictive action will have to be felt - one way or another. There are many addictions at play in life, physical and emotional. I'm still personally full of many addictions, not so much physical addictions these days, but many emotional addictions (which in the end drive physical addictions) - I can only hope that one day I have more changes in my heart and grow further in Love x

My Rainbow City experience - Love in Action

So what is Rainbow City and how did I get to experience it ?

 On the home page to Rainbow City, the opening line states "Our goal is to create a platform for people to live their Truth, and empower from within ".  www.rainbowcityuk.com/

I met Anthony and Gina just over a year ago when I was working at 'SAF' vegan restaurant, they popped in for food one night before Anth was DJ'ing at a party. I knew straight away when I saw them both that they were on a mission, both beaming, full of passion,smiles and in Love. We got talking, and of course we all shared a lot of the same visions and passions regarding health, fitness and the development of Love for humans and the planet. At the time I was at a pretty low point, life had hit me with a few twists and turns, the wind had been knocked out of me, and so meeting these two was such a blessing. They reignited my desire for what was possible as a human, and they reminded me what is needed to take things to the NEXT LEVEL !

I would later see them both now and again at the 'Paravana' parties which Anthony hosts with his friends in London www.paravanaproject.com. We would have little catch ups as to where we are at, and talk about what is going on for us all. It was at one of the parties this year in May, sat on the roof top in the hot sun, deep house music in the back ground that than Anthony said to me 'Mate, we're set up now, are you coming to Portugal or what ? You've been saying that you have wanted to come for a while now, I know it's gonna be massive for you, I know its gonna help you take things to the Next level , just come mate ... if not now ? when ? ( 'Next level' and 'If not now, when' are now a part of my vocabulary ) . Two days later, I went online and booked my flights . First rule of taking things to the Next level is 'ACTION'. (if you see what these guys have built in just eight months, you almost wouldn't believe it ... action )

So whats going on in Portugal you might be thinking ?

Well, it's here in the mountains of Portugal that Anthony and his friend Dan bought land at the beginning of this year, with the desire to take their lives to the ... yes you've guessed it ... the Next level ! This creation however is not just taking their own lives to the next level, it is also contributing to the greater good. Anth often says 'What's healthy and Loving for me, will also ultimately be healthy and Loving for the planet'.

So what does Next level living look like ? This - WOW !!!

So these are the Domes that I stayed in. Both have 2 bedrooms on raised platforms inside. Both equipped with kitchens. Dome 1 is the yoga fitness, DJ space ( with mega speakers). Dome 2 is the movie, educational  youtube room and it also has a bathroom. The hot or cold shower is outside, awesome experience getting washed with nature in the sun !

Both are unique in their energy, just depends on your desire as to which one you feel best at home in. That's another amazing feature at Rainbow City, you are encouraged to do what ever you feel like doing, but of course, your actions would require the boundaries of Love. There is never a sense of 'You have to do this or you have to do that', and that's because Love never forces anyone to do anything, and so through this experience, I really got to experiment with my free will, its really liberating, and its what is missing in our general society, hence why we often feel so controlled in our daily lives. By the way- there are no alarm clocks at RC.

Taking away control, empowering self motivation and personal responsibility in the direction of Love is what I really felt whilst staying at Rainbow City.

How are those qualities playing out at RC ? Well, for starters, they have taking personal responsibility by sourcing their own shelter, water, food, and solar energy. Providing these resources for yourself is a MAJOR step into self Love, the reason being is because when you are providing for yourself, there is no demand or expectation coming out of your Soul saying 'The government or a business or whoever should provide these resources for me'. Why is this a major step into Self Love? Because demands and expectations are not Loving, its that simple. The more personal responsibility you take for your own life, the more Love you will feel in return. Where are you not taking personal responsibility in your own life ? Always an important question to ask on the path to Love and Freedom

I naturally lent myself to the garden. Weeding, watering and clearing shrubs to expose the abundance of grapes which litter the borders of the garden. I had forgotten how truly amazing growing food is. I fell in love with it again. I was a bio dynamic gardener in England for two years in the past, but it had been a while since I had my feet in the soil ... I felt truly blessed. When you grow your own food, your sense of appreciation deepens far beyond you could imagine, this is because you value the hard work and effort that it has taken you to grow your own food, you literally receive the fruits of your labour- and thus you grow in Love. I especially loved watching the clean lines of carrots and beetroot tops grow in their rows, they should be ready to harvest now, that I wish to see ! On the land there is also an abundance of fruit trees, close to five hundred I think, sound like paradise or what ... free food, free water, free energy ... FREE - DOM !

Raw organic vegan food is one of the main focuses at RC. And right behind that core value is physical fitness.
In London I have been used to living 'the raw vegan fitness lifestyle' for around 6 years, however, I was well aware that I was not at the top of my game, I knew what my addictions were in the vegan junk food world, and I knew that I was not as fit as I could be. This, I must say,  all became exposed when I arrived at RC.
To be honest it was a little disheartening to come face to face with that truth, to realise that I was not entirely living my life in London to the full potential of what was possible in regards to health and fitness. I had to eat some humble pie and ask myself  'Why am I not loving myself enough to provide my body with more exercise and the most nutritious organic food available to me' ? As disheartening as it was, the beauty of this truth uncovered was that I decided to change ! Everyday for two weeks I was 100% raw and I did yoga for 1.5 hours a day at least, and I bashed out a few circuit training sessions on the pull up bar with press ups and sit ups.

After the first week, my body literally started to change shape, and my desire had returned to take my health and fitness to the Next level. Eight days in the subject of water fasting was a hot topic between us. And so that was it, we decided to do it ! I have done a seven day water fast in the past, but this time I just did two days, as I was due back to London, and so I wanted to break my fast and enjoy the lavish fresh fruit that was available here. However, those two days had a massive impact on my being on every level. Excess fat dissolved, my body toned and detoxified, I felt trimmer and swifter around the garden. Also my will power and excitement turned up a notch, and I began to really love myself again and I was sure more than ever that on my return to England I would not slip back. And I haven't ... not even nearly !

Anth and I spent most mornings sitting on the decking with a green tea, feeling the sun warm up. We chatted at lot, and I got to have some great self reflection time. One of the things which inspires me most about Anthony is his 'No Fear' attitude - TO EVERYTHING ! We talked a lot about fears and I realised that I have more fear than him in certain areas, but that's Ok, Im aware now, and I know what needs to be done. Anth explained how this project tested him on every level possible, and was the most challenging time of his life, however, the lessons and growth accomplished will never be lost. That's the thing with Desire, when you go for what you 'think' you want, Gods laws and the universe will make it possible for you to achieve it, but be aware, you may also have to face every fear and block in order to achieve what you want - How much do you want it ? But there is a sweetness in smashing through your fear, because when you do, your Soul expands in Love and you get to feel and embody the power of that. I learnt a lot from our green tea chats. Truthful chats are the key though. Truth and Love fit together like a glove. Truth is like a hammer which cracks open the heart for Love to enter. "Telling the Truth and making somebody cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile "- Paulo Coehlo. Gotta be prepared for those kinda talks on this path to Love.

So how would I some up my time at Rainbow city. Well, Anthony was right when he said to me that coming over to Portugal would be massive for me. I feel the best I have ever felt in my Life, RC did for me what it says on the tin 'Created a platform for me to be empowered from within'. I left Portugal feeling more powerful and healthy then when I went in. I was back on track.  My experience staying at RC has truly inspired me and I am living each day back in London Next level. I feel a huge well of gratitude that Anthony had the courage to follow his dream, because its inspired me greatly to follow mine, take action and to face my fears. And that's the power of Love you see, its infectious, and so I encourage you to follow your dreams - and if the whole world followed their Loving dreams, we would create Peace on Earth.

Just before going to Portugal I had being praying to God for assistance in my growth and development. I truly believe my prayer was answered, and that I had been guided to Rainbow City Portugal, because here I was able to embody and feel about the many necessary purposes of life and reflect on the purpose of my own life. Being here I was able to see what it means to take Action on a superior level and to walk the walk.  Because of our connection and contribution to each others lives, I have been invited to stay in Portugal anytime I want to help co-create this patch of Paradise on Earth, so watch this space guys, you never know what dreams may come ! I just have to decide really ! We all do ... and together we can do it ... just decide x

Forgiveness

Do you Love me ?

Yes, I have always Loved you.

Always ?

Yes, always.

Even when I did something wrong.

You have never done anything wrong. You have either hit the mark of Love, or you have missed the mark of Love.

So what about when I missed the mark of Love, did you still Love me then ?

Yes, I still Loved you.

Really ? How come ?

Because I am more forgiving than you are.

Forgiving ? ... So did you forgive me when I missed the mark of Love ?

I forgave you before you missed the mark of Love. In fact, I knew before you that you would miss the mark of Love, and I forgave you in that instant.

What ! even when I ...

Yes, even when you ...

Your life in the passion wagon

When my heart felt this Love from God it over flowed and broke me into tears, for at last I felt it to be True. All the theory I had learned was finally in my heart ... God exists, and not only that... God loves me ... Always.

It took me a long time to feel this, and I had doubted it many times, but when it happened, there was no denying it ... my heart cracked open and the love poured in. 

Now, there is no way for me to share this feeling with you, for words cannot express it. Even if I did have the words to convey it, you still couldn't believe me, for it is a feeling which has to be felt in your own heart ... so you have to become the seeker.

Mark 6:52

for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

So why doesn't everyone feel Gods Love easily ?

Well, I realised that you have to 'really want to receive this Love from God, with a 'passionate burning desire ' ...Why ? because God wants us to live a passionate burning desirous life ... Why would we choose a luke warm life ? Only because of fear right ?  Passion and desire are the ingredients to a fulfilling life, when mixed with Love 'miracles' happen ! ... Follow your passions and desires, don't give into fear.

So why does God wait to feel your passion and desire ?

Well, I believe this is how God teaches us how to lead a passionate life ... and to also teach us about the loving use of free will.

What happens when I receive Gods Love ? 

In my experience, when I receive Gods love, its like all MY IDEAS about myself and the universe become in alignment with how God feels about me and the universe, and thus I learn Gods Truths ... the absolute Truth.  Any belief that I had which was not in harmony with Gods Truth becomes corrected, and then the Love in my life and the Love in my heart becomes refined and more pure, because my Truth is now in alignment with Gods Truth, the Creator ! ( its like having an instruction book )

A lot of people who read this wont have much of a clue what I am talking about, and I didn't understand this myself until recently. A few years ago I absolutely did not believe in God. If this information interests you, send me a message I can direct to all the information you need to learn about what I am talking about.

I had to process many emotional blocks in my heart to even begin to be in a state of receiving of Gods Love. I remember my first block was to even recoginse that I had soul. I cried for about an hour non stop when I felt that I actually had soul. This grief came from understanding that I had spent 33 years of life denying and suppressing my very own soul, this was a major step for me being able to feel my emotions. Again, you may 'think' you have a soul, but 'feeling' you have a soul is something different all together. Its very emotional.

Whence I could feel my own soul, the next logical step in my experiment was to ask/pray to be able to feel Gods soul, to see if she really existed. Eventually, after lots of prayer and emotional processing through my own 'passionate burning desire' to know the Truth, I eventually felt Gods soul, and I eventually felt Gods Love enter my soul. Again, this made my cry as it was so overwhelming.

 From this experience, I realised that if I am to receive Gods love, then I am gonna be overwhelmed every time, and through this experience, I broke through another one of my blocks, 'my embarrassment' of being overwhelmed . I realised that feeling overwhelmed helped me feel more 'Alive', which is the whole point of life right ?  To feel Alive !

 But often we shut down our overwhelming feelings in front of others for the simple fact that we feel embarrassed or ashamed of what people will think of us when they see us overwhelmed ... we gotta hold it together right ? Wrong !  Allow yourself to feel overwhelmed with your emotions, its the key to feeling alive and the key to being Real.

When you allow yourself to feel overwhelmed, you open your heart to feel overwhelmingly Loved and overwhelmingly happy and overwhelming things will start to happen in your life, things you never thought possible. Sometimes through the process you may have to experience some overwhelming pain, but in the end the Joy will remain in your heart.

 Imagine if the whole world followed their dreams, followed their passions, followed their desires, followed their Love - and not only that, but also prayed to feel the Love from God which I speak of, this Love which transforms your soul into the most incredible human you have ever seen or been - to grow into the 'perfected soul' in Love ... It literally would heal the world.

So go on, do yourself and the world a favour, tip yourself over the edge, take yourself out of your comfort zone, allow yourself to be overwhelmed and live the life you desire.
Now then, the road is long, and road is narrow, and it might be a struggle, but Hey ... wouldn't it be worth the pursuit ? I think it would...

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” - Paulo Cohelo

Love always conquers fear

Why is there so much fear and destruction in the world ?
-because we simply do not have enough faith in Love !

A year ago or so I was personally confronted with one of my greatest fears, it was a life changing moment, and it happened in a way that I never thought possible. If I hadn't experienced this, I may not believe what I am about to tell you - Love always conquers fear - no matter what !

Here is what happened a year ago... True story.

After a series of events I found myself living back at my Mums place for a few months. This was the same house that I grew up in as a child. I lived on a rough council estate in the North of England where crime, drugs, gangs and hard violence were notorious and 'normal'. Once, the police were called out to my Mothers house for a suspicious break in. The police found a man hiding underneath one of the beds, on the floor laid an 'axe' ... and he was later identified as my Mothers next door neighbour. He broke in because he knew my Mother was on holiday and wanted to rob the place. That's the type of neighbourhood I'm talking about !

Anyway, back to the night that changed my life ...

I left the house one dark winters night to go to the bar I was reluctantly working at for a short time. Walking over the short patch of wet grass to get into my car I suddenly heard screaming and shouting. A girls voice was screeching "get off me, get off me" !
My heart started to beat fast, and as I looked across the cold street I saw a young man violently pinning a young girl up against a pebble dashed stonewall under an amber lit street light. In the years leading up to that night, I had often pondered the question 'What would I do if I ever saw a man attacking a women'.  I would propose that question to myself because I knew of my fear of violence, and I had wondered 'what would Love do in that situation'? I had figured that, for some reason one day I would probably find myself in that position, and here I was. So, what did I do ? ...

In that fearful split second moment, I had so many thoughts flashing through my mind. Do I just get in my car and let them get on with it, its not my business, it's just a couple having a fight right ? ... I can't do that, what if she's getting hurt, raped, mugged or killed. Shit, what do I do ? What if he's got a knife ? What if I go over and then I get badly hurt ? I've never been in a street fight before, what do I do ? Do I just run over and smash him ? But then 'I am' being violent, shit, but he is hurting her, so he deserves it right ? fuck, fuck fuck ... Why am I so scared, I'm such a coward, what if I just pretend its not happening and walk away ! 'You can't walk away' another voice loomed in, 'this is your law of attraction, this is a fear which needs to be conquered so that you can grow and experience a greater demonstration of Love'. I then understood what I needed to do.

Before I knew it, I found myself walking across the dark street shouting "Hey, do you two need any help". Startled, they stopped shouting and they both looked my way. The young man had his arms tightly wrapped around the girl which made her look like she was in a straight jacket. Her arms pinned to her sides. Not wearing many clothes for a winters night. As I got closer I noticed that there was blood on their hands, but I sensed that neither of them were badly hurt.

"Mate" he shouted to me in a strong Hull accent. I stood about two meters away.
"Mate, I'm trying to stop her from killing herself . She's got a piece of glass in her hands and wants to slash her wrists. I'm her boyfriend". So this was not the situation I was expecting,
I looked at her hands, it was true. Good job I didn't just run in and smash him. The girls head was now slumped forwards with her long blonde hair covering her face. Ashamed to look up I sensed.
"Mate, we've just been at a family house party around the corner " he said with a slurry voice. "We've both had a few drinks and we've had a really good night until now. When she's had a drink, she always gets really depressed and does crazy shit like this. She's done it before loads, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to stop it ".

For some reason I felt really calm.
"Whats your name mate" I asked him.
"Pete"
"Whats your girlfriends name ?"
"Sarah".
"Ah right... my names Perry" I softly said."Is it true Sarah what Pete is saying". She nodded slowly.
"Do you know why you do this Sarah". There was a pause of silence. I knew why of course, but I needed to get into her heart, because this was the only way out of this mess.
"Because nobody loves me, so there is no point being here"
"Its not true mate, its not true mate" Pete painstakingly interjected. "It's not true, I love her".
"I don't believe him" Sarah quietly said shaking her head. "He just says that".
"Well, for someone who doesn't love you, he is sure not doing a bad job at stopping you from killing yourself " I said. Still no response from her.
"I tell her all the time mate but she never believes me" said Pete, still gripping her tightly, just as tightly as Sarah was squeezing the sharp glass.

Ok, 'here goes' I thought. I then kinda blanked everything else out, but I was totally aware of what was happening around me. I could hear Peter talking to me, chatting away, telling me his and her story. But my focus was now on Sarah, I watched her slumped over in the tightly gripped hold. There was no response from her, she was totally shut down emotionally. It's time to talk to her heart I said to myself, and then for the next few minutes I talked to her whilst she was absolutely silent. Initially I became self conscious and I thought it was a silly thing for me to focus on her in this way, but that was my fear creeping in. My fear of expressing Love.

and so my prayer to her went something like this ...
"I knew a girl who once used to self harm Sarah. Do you know that ? And she would think thoughts just like you do. But she is ok now. She got through it. She had slashed herself Sarah many times before because she didn't believe that people could love her, and cutting herself felt much better and more calming than the feeling of not feeling love. But through a series of events her heart opened, and now she feels love and she doesn't do it anymore.She has her down times of course, but she doesn't cut herself. I mean, I've been there myself Sarah. Many of us have been there. I know you might not believe me but I've thought in the past that life would be better if I also just killed myself, that people and the world would be much better off if I wasn't around, I used to think that I was just a waste of space. I promise, I've not been far from where you are now".

Silence, only silence, however I could now sense that she was listening, and most importantly her heart was listening, but she didn't respond. She still had her hand wrapped around the shard of glass like a knife. Pete was still gripping Sarah's arms down tightly.

"Many people love you you know. And in time you will feel it. I know right now in this moment you can't ever imagine that happening, I know you feel it's impossible, I've been there, and I still am sometimes, I know how it feels to not feel love, but it will happen. Pete loves you, and even I love you... a stranger. I was scared to come over, but I've come over here because I love you both, I wanted to help, how many strangers do you know who would do that. You are loved Sarah ... you are Loved, you - are - loved, do you know that ? you are loved ... "

In that moment, there was complete stillness, and complete silence from us all. It was like we were all contemplating what had just happened.

And then I heard it ... Smash !
Sarah had dropped the glass on the concrete path ... and with it her heart cracked too, and at last, the loved poured in, and she started to cry. Pete, exhausted, slowly let go of his grip in astonishment and relief. Sarah paused for second. She didn't say a word,  she just slowly walked off into the night with her hands over her eyes crying. "Thanks Mate" Peter said as he looked at me astonished, "thanks mate", he then walked after her, I never saw them ever again.

I walked to my car and sat in the drivers seat in disbelief at what had just happened. With my straight arms stretched out, I put both hands on the steering wheel and looked out through the windscreen at the street lamp where we just were, and I took a deep breath and held it. I reviewed in slow motion what had just happened. When I finally registered the whole event from the beginning to the end I collapsed on my out breath and folded into sobbing tears, for I had just personally experienced that Love, will always conquer fear- no matter the situation, and miracles will seemingly appear, my prayer had been answered. I hope this restores your faith in Love.











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