Receiving Love - A heart of flesh

Always when I write my posts something amazing happens - My heart opens! Why ? because I am expressing myself. I am showing you, the reader, who I am, and what I feel, which yeah, its scary, but like everything in life, the more I do it, the easier it becomes. I'm learning more and more the importance of expressing myself, not my facebook self, I mean my true self. There is so much of Me, inside of me, that I have never shared with the world before. There are a few carefully selected number of friends who have seen the deeper side of me, but not many, and so, to be honest, its time to not be careful anymore - Why should only a few see the whole of me - same goes for you too ;)

'And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom' - Anais Nin

Today's post was inspired whilst I was waking up this morning, laying there, pondering in bed about Love as I usually do, the subject hit me - ' Receiving Love'

One of the most painful emotions I have ever had to experience and still do experience to varying degrees, is the feeling of 'not' being able to receive and more importantly 'feel' the Love from another human being. Its especially more painful when that love is coming from a partner who loves you dearly. If you have also experienced this, then you know how painful it is for you, and for your partner. Its painful for 'you' because you know that you 'should' be able to feel this love but can't, and so all sorts of anger, frustrations and self punishments kick in as a result. Its also painful for your partner because they feel like their gift of Love is not valued or that their gift is being rejected, and as a consequence the flow of love between the two hearts is blocked, unfelt and causes major problems, often relationships break up for that reason alone - it's amazing how a shut down heart can rapidly destroy a promising relationship, and I'm seeing it happen everywhere - couples not truly sharing how they are truly feeling, mainly due for the fear of rejection, ironically by not sharing how they feel, they finally the break up anyway and all the reasons why they didn't share their feelings are confronted - and its painful,. And if that particular emotion has not been released then its likely you will move on to the next relationship and experience the same thing again, and its likely the cycle will continue,'Until' you open heart. I have felt the blow of that one, and I wish not to experience it again, and I wish not for you too.

 Not being able to 'allow love in' is so frustrating because intellectually, visually and physically you can sense that you are being loved but you just can't feel it in your heart as a 'knowing' ... and feeling is everything. Without 'feeling' you miss the experience of life as it was intended, and that means missing the many wonderful gifts of love. Sure, you can go through the motions of life, but who wants to just go through the motions ? That little letter 'E' before 'motion' makes all the difference.  Just lately, and this may sound cheesy, I am beginning to experience and feel the power of Love, and its blowing me away. Note: you cannot intellectualise emotions they have to be Felt - and its amazing how many of us don't know the difference.

In past relationships girlfriends have said to me 'I love you' ... my mind would then register the words,  I would feel the warmth for a bit, but then the deeper feelings of my heart would often loom in sometime after telling myself -  'I don't believe you ' ! And believe me, this feeling is crippling and soul destroying. My poor ex girlfriends could tell me 'I love you' until they were blue in the face, crying on the floor, and I still would not believe them - However, half of the problem is not believing that they loved me...  the major problem was believing and feeling that I am indeed 'loveable'- I'm certain I'm not the only one who has ever felt like this.

So whats going on here ? how on Earth can a person not feel loved when love is being sent their way ? And why would they even want to block it ? Answer - FEAR of feeling GRIEF

Our poor little hearts have these emotional filters which can often block the feelings of love coming into its centre - its like the heart has this invisible protective barrier around it which says 'don't you fucking dare hurt me'... When love comes near, fear pushes it away, like knights around a castle protecting the Queen.

But how and why would my heart fear getting hurt by Love?  Mainly due to the withdraw of love from our childhood experiences, or from emotions which have been passed down through the generations. The withdraw of love is replaced with fear - and then this fear lodges its self inside of us right up into adult years and beyond, we can even take our fears to the grave if we don't manage to shake them off before hand. We have all sorts fears in our hearts about Love. 

And that's why we get angry. Crazy eh ! Most people don't know this, but when we get angry for any reason, we are only trying to avoid our fear - and ultimately we want avoid the feeling of grief we hold onto deep within our souls. These feelings of grief I'm talking about, most don't even know that they exist, because they are so de-tuned and numb to their true feelings - Hence why physical addictions are rife in society like alcohol, cigarettes, food and sex. Feeling sad, have a drink. Feeling nervous, have a cigarette. Feeling out of control, have some food. Feeling lonely, have some sex - We do anything to avoid feeling the feelings !

When I see couples arguing and bickering I think to myself  'Oh for Gods sake will one of you just break down and cry '. All it would take would be for one of them to connect to their grief and the love would do the rest. Love has amazing powers to restore anything that is broken - Miracles happen you might say. Next time you find yourself getting angry at someone or something - Stop - and ask yourself  'What fear or grief am I trying to avoid' and if you are sincere in your asking, you will eventually feel what it is, and it will probably make you cry. Healing is in the grieving.

 I read recently in the Huffington post 'The 5 regrets of the dying'. It was a study by a woman called Bronnie Ware, who ended up in palliative care, helping those who were dying. She later compiled a list of the 5 regrets of the dying. Number 3 of regrets from those were dying said  -I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 

She explains -

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
"visit the link to see the rest - http://www.lifebuzz.com/5-regrets/

 In this film clip we see the perfect example of what I have been writing about today. I hope this inspires you to open your heart -