The C word - C@#(*$$!*N

Today I really want to write about the power of Truth ... and more directly I want to talk about the power of Confession. YES the type of confession you hear about at church !!! Don't get scared now by the two C words. These days, its easy to think that 'confession+church = punishment' ... but today I will attempt to dispel those myths. Granted some religions do believe in punishment and a wrathful God, If you have experienced that, then I am sorry, cos that's not what I'm talking about today.

So why is confession so important to our personal freedom ?

Well something amazing happens when you confess to something. There are so many emotions blocked up and locked up inside of us, and one of the most powerful ways to let them out - is to literally SAY IT OUT LOUD . There are some easy things which we say out loud to each other all the time, however, if most of us are Truly honest, there are also darker stories that we let nobody know about at all - skeleton closet syndrome. The confessions that we keep hidden don't necessarily have to be negative things like 'I stole money from your purse', it could easily be a confession of telling somebody ' I love you ', which many of us humans have just as much trouble with. However, the common feeling which underpins and prevents our confessions is Fear. I can't say that- What will they think ? What if they go crazy ? What if they reject me ? What if they hit me ? What if they leave me ? What if I feel ashamed ? What if I cant handle it ? What if, what if what if ...

Can I just confess out loud to myself , is that as powerful to help free me ?

Yes you can, firstly confessing to ourselves is normally where it starts, however, we can then also just as easily talk ourselves out of what we have just confessed because we know that know body knows. Although writing out your confessions on paper is very a powerful practice and I highly recommend it.  For some reason though, confessions which are said out loud to another person seem to make the experience more REAL and alive. One of the major reasons why we don't confess is because of the feelings of shame. We carry so much shame as adults, its incredible and insane. For me, shame is one of the most crippling feelings we posses as human beings. And so, when we confess to another, we have a better chance of getting to feel the deeper emotions of shame, this is because we have faced the fear of letting somebody else KNOW who we Truly are !

Ironically what normally happens when you confess is that the other person does not respond in the fearful ways you imagined, but rather, they tend to respond with compassion and care, to which you wouldn't have known if you hadn't of confessed - that's the power of Truth - it promotes Love ! If the person does react in an unloving way to your confession, it doesn't matter from your point of view, the expression of Truth healed you. We can never be responsible for somebody else's emotions, and this is why personal responsibility is paramount.

Two or so years ago, my world turned upside down.  I was about to live in the glorious Spanish mountains with my girlfriend and her little boy, to settle and live the dream on two acres of fruit filled land. But the story didn't turn out that way. No sooner had the dream begun, the relationship broke up, business fell apart, I ran dry of money, and I was back living with my Mum in the North of England. Having a deep chat with my Mum one day brought me to confession, through a serious of questions from my Mum, I couldn't hold in my emotions any longer. My confession erupted along with an explosion of tears and grief  ' Mum, I feel so ashamed that I'm 35 and it feels like I don't know how to get my life together '. There it was, not only did I admit my feelings of powerlessness, I cried in front of my Mum like a weak and broken Man, and I felt ashamed - Big strong boys don't do that right ? Shame.

note:  ( children are constantly told to not cry -  either compassionately 'There there, stop crying' or aggressively 'Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about ' -  it is very very damaging to prevent a child from feeling its emotions.  Allowing your children to cry will help free them as adult in ways you never imagined - conversely, crying as an adult helps free up your children )

Pretending to feel strong when we are at our weakest is one the most pressurizing feelings to hold on too and eventually creates major illness to our bodies through stress or depression ect .  One of the hardest things to say as a human being is 'I need help ' Why ? - because of the shameful feeling of being weak and feeling powerless. It has just occurred as to me that those who commit suicide do so (not exclusively), because they would rather die than feel the shame of being weak, that's how outrageously destructive the feeling of shame is.

The reason why we don't confess is because we DO NOT want to feel what will happen when we do. But like I said, not feeling our blocked up and locked emotions is damaging to us, it prevents us from feeling the love and joy in our lives that we were intended to feel and express. Attempting to suppress emotions causes sickness in our bodies and it deteriorates our material world - eventually causing our own death one way or another ! So just how important is telling the Truth ... VERY

Ways to confess :

Firstly just try to be Truthful with yourself. Say out loud how you Truly feel, no holding back.

Another way is write out your feelings in a journal. Its really powerful to write out specific things about yourself that you feel you are ashamed of, or embarrassed of, or regret, or that you are sorry for ... Go back into your childhood right up to your adulthood and write down all the things you Truly feel about shame, embarrassment, fear - write down any emotion you wish to express, the ones that you have never allowed yourself to feel, and see what happens !

Confessing to a person who you do not know but trust like a Councillor or a mentor of some sort, priest, friend of the family or even a friend , it doesn't matter who, but expressing your feelings to another human will help you to feel and purge your emotions in ways you never knew existed.

Finally of course there is confessing your feelings or actions to the actual person, family member, lover, friend or society that you have impacted upon. This can be one of the most fearful things to do, however it is powerful beyond belief. Your soul with thank you in infinite ways when you confess and tell the Truth to the causes that you fear most. It takes courage, because we never know what will happen. And that's why most people keep shtum ! In my experience so far, I have ALWAYS felt relief and a sense of growth after confessing truth, and I have confronted some pretty scary personal subjects. I am not perfect yet of course, and I will be 'tested' (gifted the opportunity to be truthful) many more times for sure.

The more you confess and tell the Truth , the more love you will feel as a consequence, and from that, the more Faith you will build that the Truth will indeed set you Free , even if that means you physically go to prison for telling truth, its the feeling of liberation inside is that counts !

Telling the Truth or confessing may not be always be easy, and it may take us sometime to be honest all of the time no matter the outcome. Sometimes our subject matters are very very sensitive and expressing the Truth may totally change our life, but from my experience, confessing is a liberating experience, and the lightness you feel afterwards, feels like a blessing you never dreamed possible. Like I said it doesn't always have to be something bad that you confess, telling a person you Love them or that you appreciate them also transforms lives just as much, so don't forget to do that too.

The more we express and confess, ultimately the more love and joy we will feel in our bodies and in our lives.
The less we express and withhold truth, the more pain we will feel in our bodies and in our lives.

In closing, I highly recommend watching this film clip which demonstrates perfectly the power of confession. And in all seriousness, if you feel like you would like to talk with me about any of your life problems and confess, or if you wish to inquire more about what I have just wrote about, then please get in touch, never suffer in silence - my email is perrykhaldenby@gmail.com we can then speak on the phone or meet if that's possible.