Today I want to discuss my spiritual journey. Where it started and where it is now.
It first started when I was 26. I was noticing certain patterns and cycles of behaviour with my emotions and personality. Basically they were quiet self sabotaging and destructive. Often I would be in a drunken mess. I worked as a bartender,so it was very easy to be under the influence.
I was starting to notice that the 'Demons' would really love to play with me when I was drunk. I would happily be able to drink alcohol for a good few hours before the 'spirits' really started to take affect... and YES, when I say the 'spirits' I mean as in' ghosts'.
Back then I didn't understand about how the spirit world could easily influence me. But now when I see a drunk person, I just look at their eyes ... the lights are on but nobody is home, well, actually there is somebody at home, but not normally the person who is in front of me ... Its likely that there is a spirit from the spirit world feeding off the addictions from the unconscious human. Walk into a bar at the end of the night, and what do you see ? Zombies right ? ... The common phrase the morning after a drinking session "I can't even remember how I got home last night". Yeah, that's because a spirit probably brought you home as you where out of body and mind.
Anyway. That's all talk for another subject. Back on track with my journey.
First came the 'self help books' ... then came the 'mystic books', in twined with 'manifestation books' followed by the ' how to be successful books,' not forgetting 'crystals and tarot' mixed with 'visualisation techniques and astrology', shortly after ventured 'meditation, shiatsu and yoga' whilst chanting 'Mantras' and lighting candles with a good few months of philanthropy ... phew, I think that's it, I've probably left a few things out but that's enough for now...
... So after all that study and 7 years of spiritual graft, one would probably feel that I have accomplished a great deal of 'knowledge' about myself and the universe, and that all my habits and addictions have vanished ... right ? WRONG ... Basically, It has just been 7 years of 'trying' and skipping over 'HOW I REALLY FEEL' . I'm sure I've made some progression along the way, but really really, I'm still in the same position as I was in 7 years ago.
Actually, thinking about it, I am much more loving to myself then I was 7 years ago. My whole life style has changed to be a little more loving. I no longer ever get drunk, and I am now a vegan... BUT, those core destructive emotions still play out in my life in varying degrees. All those years of 'trying' still haven't got to me 'KNOWING'.
so why is that ?
Well, I have not been changing anything on a Soul level. And this is where God has entered my life. The subject is huge, so I do not wish to write all about what I have been learning for it will take many books worth. (I'm sure I will one day).
... For now let me say, that I no longer believe the best way to achieve anything in spiritual development is through any kind of 'practise, technique, meditation, thought process, visualising, feeling what you wish to feel, or seeing what you wish to know or be ... because basically ... they all avoid how you are ' TRULY' feeling right now. I would not totally discount these methods because they can be good tools to get into our emotions. The intellect coupled with 'feeling' I believe is very useful, but the intellect alone keeps it all in the mind. And at some point in our souls progression, we will learn to lose our mind and act knowingly and lovingly from the heart. No thinking involved, just instant action !
So how does True change happen ?
First off, the law of attraction will bring an event that will trigger an un loving emotion. For instace, a situation were you are ' un able to pay for something', may bring about emotions of anger, loss or lack of self worth because you are un able to pay for whatever it is that you want. I have been in this position many times. I have also written hundreds of 'affirmations', 'visualised' myself rich and abundant, and did this ever work ... nope! I went bankrupt, and to date, I have £70 in my bank account, so clearly nothing has changed, and I have visualised myself in some pretty amazing rich situations.
So in brief ... now what I do (and still don't always do for some soul desiring reason) is first feel how I feel when I cant afford something ... which is normally frustration (anger). I must first release the capping emotion of frustration and anger. After expressing the anger (in a loving way, which can be done ), the emotion of 'fear' starts to surface (which could be fear of any number of things from childhood). Feeling through the fear fully will normally be followed by a sense of grief. If tears now appear, and the the lump in your throat begs you to cry, then GREAT ... CRY ! ... As strange as it sounds, crying is the way to change. If we are able to cry and cry to the very causal reason on why we are unable to manifest money (or anything else for that matter), then sure enough, true change will happen, and we will never have to deal with that particular emotion again... ever.
How do I know If I cleared enough ?
Well, If your law of attraction still brings you situations which make you feel that you are not worthy, then you know there is still more to clear and cry. Most of the causal emotions or injuries were placed within us when we were children or upon conception, so un doing can go a long way back, so don't be dis hearted if it takes a while. The process is 'simple' but not 'easy'. Be sure that there is normally lots of resistance to 'want' to feel the causal emotional injuries. I'm pretty sure I have not reached any yet. But this is a process, and slowly slowly we chip away. The more humble we are to feeling our emotions the quicker the process.
You can if you desire use 'affirmation', 'meditation' or visualisation techniques, and they may appear to actually work, but be sure that you will forever have to 'try'. When we feel our emotions as described, eventually, when we have cried our errors away and let truth enter us, we will never have to 'try' to be anything. The subject matter will never arise again, in this life on Earth or in the spirit world. When we truly change on the soul level (and not in the mind) we will automatically be doing the most loving thing ... no trying involved at all ... SIMPLE.
So now you know .. or at least intellectually. If you truly knew, then you would probably be not even be reading this blog post ;)
I love this clip ... watch it to add to the experience of what I just wrote
LoVe
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