My prayers lately have been asking God to help me with my passions and desires, and this is where twist number one of my movie slots in.. Never would I of thought that I would ever believe in God. Admitting that I Believe in God creates twist number two of things 'I never thought I would be doing', and that is actually 'praying' to God for help in my blockbuster life. This then reveals to me twist number three of feeling that ' I am actually asking for help', which then exposes twist number four in this thriller movie of 'I thought I had my life all together'... lights, camera, action and that's a wrap ! I was wrong, not so much wrong, but just more realisations of truth to be known about my life and its journey.
This is nothing new, everyone knows that life has it's up's and downs, but when you're actually on the down side, its hard to remember that life can be a joy. And just when life is feeling so amazing, its often hard to feel that nothing bad will ever happen again, until it does.
Through my prayers I came to the conclusion that I am often very punishing to myself. The expectations I have on myself are so high. And then when I don't reach my high expectation, I beat myself up. I would never beat anyone else up, but I allow to destroy myself. My approach now is to lessen the intensity of the expectations I have of myself. Sounds easy eh ... but not when those expectations have been embedded in my soul for a very long time. My trouble is that I always have the feeling of that I want to be, do or go somewhere other than where I am at, doing or being. I want to run before I can walk ... so my lesson is humbleness. An example of this is ... I had the feeling that one of my passions and desires is to 'write' ... but the expectation I had on myself was that it must be a great read, best seller, a book turned into a movie. It is like I can only validate myself as writer if it is validated in some big way by the world. Placing this expectation on myself just blocked me straight away. How can I write an award winning film when I'm not even able to manage to write a short blog. Thus, my practice now is to write short blogs, frequently, instead of starting long ones and not having the enthusiasm to finish them. Stepping stones is key for me ... this makes sure that I walk first before running. Writing shorter blogs also gives me the sense of completion, of finishing something that I started, it helps me practice to edit in small chunks. I've known all this for many years, but my falling hurdle is that I very rarely put it into practice. I have great ideas, and the thorn in my foot is that I don't always act on them. The greatest pain I ever feel is when I do not ACT on my feelings and ideas. The pain has become to unbearable now, it feels like I am being forced to ACT or I will cripple myself. I can actually feel the pain realising from my soul as I write this blog, 'this is a start Perry' my soul is saying to me, it feels very healing and I feel a sense of pride welling up in me.
So my lesson of today is to hold my dream in my vision with all it's expectations and greatness, and simultaneously be humble in the greatness of who I already am.
I love movies, there are so many films from which I learn so much. I love how films can move my emotions, inspire me and touch me deep. What I desire to do is combine my blogs with movie clips. I want to suggest to you that you watch the movie clip at the end of each blog I post. I will specifically choose a clip which intuitively came to me whilst writing the blog. This I believe will be the perfect way to combine my love for writing and film ignited by my burning passion to inspire people to become their GREATEST self.
On that note I love you and leave you with this clip ... perfect for this post. YES, its from a Martin Scorsese film, showing how at some point, all the twists and turns of our life will become clear. A deeper lesson still for myself, I smiled how in this post I wrote about running before walking,having a thorn in my foot and crippling myself. Those words led me to this clip. I actually do have a verruca on my left foot which is causing me great pain ... I wonder now if it will start go away .... watch and you will know what I mean ... EnJoY.
http://youtu.be/jbqkL2pZR6c
(the code has been disabled, so you will have to copy and paste this on youth, sorry its not straight forward this time, but DO IT and act because its a totally amazing clip and you will love it )
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